Posted on by under Family, Holidays

I survived family fourth of July!

I saw Adam and now I am so sure. I do not love him or care what he says. I literally feel nothing, nothing at all when I see him. It’s an odd feeling to feel nothing towards a person, I grew up with and thought was going to be by best friend forever. Now nothing.

Told my aunt no more Thanksgivings either and she tried to make us feel bad. I didn’t. I didn’t care about it. However, Jeff said he felt bad and I asked why? You and I don’t want to go anyways, so why does it matter. But I do understand why he feels this way. Almost 20 years of going to Thanksgiving since we been together and all my life going as well. There are some feelings towards the holiday because of that.

Jeff brought his classic car to my parents house. The joy my uncle felt was amazing and worth bringing it. He had sooooo much fun! Jeff brought my Dad, Uncle Paul and Drew around the neighborhood. That was the highlight!

At night went to Jeff’s friend Jeff’s house and he blew up fireworks. It was so fun and loud but pretty. It was a great day. I found out many thing I needed to see and feel. Plus fireworks.

Posted on by under Everyday Life, Family, Holidays

Happy 250 Birthday America! Wow can’t believe the nation is 250 that’s cool!

This Saturday going to the parents house and Adam is going to be there. He is moving in with them. Ugh! I noticed that when it comes to him, I have the attitude I don’t care. I try to pretend to care and ask a question about him but I really don’t care. It’s like seeing someone who was erased in my timeline and it was a relief. That’s all I think of when it comes to him. I thought I had love for him still but I feel literally nothing for him. The real test is when I see him, if I feel anything for him.

I am not sure if I will be able to attend fireworks this year. If it’s going to be hot as the weather says. I won’t be able to breathe outside. If it gets humid it feels like I can’t catch my breath. If it’s going to be that, I can’t be outside.

Tex will be 8 on Saturday! I can’t believe Tex is already 8. We got him his favorite cookies and a toy.

Posted on by under Everyday Life, Family, Holidays

Wednesday June 24, Jeff and I took our parents to Lambeau Field for a tour and lunch to celebrate Father’s Day. We had lots of fun! Here are some pics of that day.

Jeff got me something I really wanted! I LOVE Squishmallows! I saw this perfume and once the perfume is gone you can keep the bottle and fill it with whatever you want. He got me it!

It’s so adorable! I love it! Wednesday was the best day, I have had in a long time! That’s thanks to Jeff.

I got a new chair. My other one was giving me pains when I sat in it for any amount of time. I got this funky pattern and it’s soft to the touch.

Posted on by under Everyday Life

Here it is! Our new floor!

We are so happy to the floor. No more stinky carpet!

So….ugh….Adam went into a physic place in Oregon. He told our dad that his life has ended. Yes, at 40 years old. I know mental illness is something that can’t be cured. I had a realization that Adam has no coping mechanisms.

Mom and I had a deep conversation about grandma (her mom) and her sister (aunt Kathy) and how they were/are the same as Adam. That I don’t have to forgive and I don’t forgive what he said to me and removed me as his sister on all his socials. Mom said I didn’t have to forgive as there things she never forgave her mom or her sister. However, there are certain situations that no matter what we are still family. She asked me if I still love him and deep down I do.

I had to have Jeff call the place because of my froggy voice. But I did eventually get to talk to him. He seemed like himself which is good. He has been there for almost a week. I said I loved him and he said he loves me. He was cracking jokes like he always does when he feels better. One thing stood out was he said things will be different. I know that is a lie. That’s what they always say and it never changes. In a way I am glad we had fall out, so I can see him for who he is. So he can’t get to me anymore and hurt me. Anyways, he is coming back to Wisconsin. I am pensive about that.

Posted on by under Everyday Life

Finally the end of the month is here. That means new flooring which was a long time coming. Our office carpet was the nastiest part of our house. Finally, it got tore out and replaced with vinyl wood flooring. Pics later as I am typing this they are still working on it. This it what the old carpet was, it was from 1983, it’s been here since the house was built. Every time it was hot out the carpet would smell like a basement and other stale things. The owner before us had a dog and it smelled like old pee sometimes, then my sister’s dog did pee on that carpet. Tex has thrown up on that carpet. Dog things has happened to that carpet. No matter if was cleaned or vacuumed it was still so gross! Now it’s gone!

Seeing my mom this weekend. Haven’t seen her since last year. They are home now. Saw Jeff’s mom at the cemetery. It was nice to spend some time there.

Posted on by under Uncategorized

I got it! No more dentures! Yay!

There is the screw.

My new tooth! It’s called a tooth and a half. So it’s bigger but it hits the two bottom teeth on the bottom. I am so happy to have this tooth!

Posted on by under Everyday Life

First time that Jeff left for a work trip for days! I didn’t think I would feel anything different as I don’t mind being by myself. WRONG! I felt sad that he had to been gone for days. Mostly the night time all by myself. I do have Tex but he’s been a mopey butt. I knew he would be. I miss Jeff!!! I am glad he came home on Friday. Jeff even said that he missed me a lot.

Another gripe is that I am so glad my bff April checked up on me on how was doing, not. She didn’t, I don’t know why that also sucked.

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I have been so unmotivated to do anything for some reason. I am unsure why. I really want to write more, haven’t done that. I want to work out more, haven’t done that. Want to read more books, well books has been years of wanting to read more and haven’t. I hope I can find my motivation…

We are going to work on our office room. By the end of May we will have new flooring which finally. The carpet in that room is super gross. It was gross when we moved in and it still gross. That’s what I am happy about to get rid of that gross carpet.

Posted on by under Everyday Life

Tattoo looking better. I was worried I would need more antibiotics but it starting to calm way down. Still a bit red but I think that’s just me. It’s has started the peeling process and so now I just leave it be which seems to be helping. This one was so strange because it hardly has no color in it as it is mostly outline. Yet, in flared up. That’s tattoos for you, never know what will be the outcome.

It’s sad our last tree died this winter. It was really shedding it’s bark and losing branches. We were worried that it would fall on the house. So we had to say goodbye. One of the main reasons why we bought this house because it looked like a house in the forest with over 20 trees in it and now they are all gone.

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I got a skin infection on my tattoo. Just to show what that looks like:

I was so worried about it. I felt hot, it felt hot. It’s supposed to be in the itchy phase but wasn’t. Went to Urgent Care and got some antibiotics. Slowly healing now but still freaks me out a bit.