I bought my first CBD product. Since last year I don’t know why but my anxiety has been a lot worse than it has been in years. I always have anxiety but thought it wasn’t as bad as I like to admit. It’s bad. We have a place here to buy it and I was surprised. I went last Saturday and got some gummies. I wasn’t sure how it would make me feel and I have to say they worked! I was not anxious going to the dentist this week. However I think next time I will get oil. The gummies taste like medicine trying to be cover up with gummies.
I finished that diamond painting owl finally. This one was tough.
Wednesday was my 38th birthday! Wow, 38 years I have been on this earth. It’s crazy to say in two years I will be 40. I have learned a lot in my 38 years.
The biggest thing I have learned and even more so because of Covid. Is what kind of people my siblings are. Good and bad. I have a closer bond with my sister and my younger brother. As my older brother is now a lot more strained and I don’t forsee me getting closer to him anytime soon.
I have to say I am more open-minded than I used to be. I see on Facebook how people become too divided. Also hehehe Facebook. I say the reason why I still use Facebook is because one yes I do play some of it’s games. But also a lot of my older family members use it and keeps me connected to them. Anyways back to the point is I don’t understand the divide. If one person wants to live their life in their own way, how can that be bad? It doesn’t affect me in anyway. On top of that why say this or that negatively towards one another? The whole vaccination thing has a lot of people on this side or that side. I say, whatever you feel is right for you, you should do that. It shouldn’t matter really what others think but that’s Facebook and the internet as a whole. For me I am going to do whatever I think is right for me.
On my birthday I went to the dentist and was actually excited to go. Please write that down on the calendar. Danielle wanted to go to the dentist. Yes! I got my partial dentures. Now I can eat properly and not be embarrassed when I smile. No one has ever pointed out when I smile I am missing teeth it’s more how I feel about it.
I got The Dark Pictures Man from Medan and Little Hope. I love those games where I can choose my own path. The Man from Medan I bought from the money my parents gave me and Little Hope is what Jeff got me.
On Saturday Jeff is going to make ribs for dinner. I love ribs! Then I get to choose the movie we watch. I picked The Colony it’s one of my favorite underrated movies and Jeff has never seen it.
I feel so lucky! On Thursday Jeff told me he put me on a list to get a call to get the vaccine. It was leftover doses from the day. Anybody spouses at his work who wanted one. That’s me! I have been wanting to get one so badly! I was so jealous that Jeff got vaccinated because I really want to be vaccinated too.
I thought to myself there is no way they going to call because it was only for this week and only Thursday and Friday. They said they usually have 0-11 doses left over. Also, they said in this email Jeff sent me that I would have to be there in 20 minutes or less which is doable for me. Just didn’t think I would get a call. I called my county because they also opened up for appointments. I called them on Sunday and left a message. Never got a call back all week.
I was all ready to go by the end of the day since the email said between 5 or 6 pm may get a call. At 5:30 I got the call! I was so excited! I am so happy that Jeff put me on the list. I went there and I got Moderna which Jeff has too. He got his second shot on Friday. So far so good. He said he doesn’t feel any different. We will see how he feels this weekend. After my first shot, I felt fine. They made me wait 30 minutes afterward because I am allergic to Penicillin. I saw others that only had to wait 15 minutes afterward. I felt fine though and my arm didn’t hurt. Also, side note I got my period on Thursday and well it kinds sucks getting the shot on the same day but also happy to get my shot. I was listening to the workers talking while I was waiting because I was the last one for the day. I literally got the last shot left over for the day! I heard they called maybe like 4 other people before me and they either couldn’t make it in 20 minutes or refused. That’s why I feel so lucky I got it on Thursday.
Later that night I got a huge headache and felt so fatigued. Then on Friday morning my arm hurt really badly. It reminded me of how bad when I get the flu shot in my arm. The only difference with the flu shot I usually get a lump but with this, I didn’t get that. Throughout the day on Friday, I felt fatigued then feel better so on and on all day.
I am a happy girl though. It’s worth feeling like poop to get the vaccine. That means I can go see my family, well the ones that are vaccinated. I wouldn’t put others at risk because I am vaccinated. I can still give it to someone else who isn’t vaccinated. Also, the worry of getting Covid is less. Of course, still, wear my mask and wash my hand more often will still be a practice for me.
My hair really needed to be dyed! I gave myself a little hair cut too before dying it.
I did black and purple together for the top and middle. Then just purple on the ends. The results:
I LOVE IT! Jeff dyed my hair for me. He has gotten so good at it!
It’s the best hair dye! Iroiro has made my hair so soft. Also looks at the waves and curls. They are back! It feels like my hair. Before it felt dry and it was so straight. I have been trying to get it back to this. I finally succeeded. I used coconut oil conditioner and Sulfate free, argan oil shampoo.
This is the last dye I will do on my long hair. After this fades, goodbye hair. It’s really thick again and it will be nice to have no hair for summer.
Got my dye! I decided to go with this brand. I wonder what the fade will be? I hope all my hair dyes this time too. I am doing black and purple mixed on top and in the middle of my hair. Then purple about 2 or 3 inches on the bottom. I interested in how it will look. I guess I will know this weekend.
Jeff bought Tex a new toy. He is so cute with it. It’s his ring and he LOVES to show it off. When Jeff comes home from work, he brings it to him to show off his toy. He is just too silly.
Also, Tex is so smart! He learned a new word “nice” in a week. Literally been teaching him since Monday. So crazy! Nice means keep your legs to yourself. We now let him be on the bed during the day. Also, when Jeff goes to bed Tex can now sleep with him. He used to think the bed was for play. Unfortunately, when I lay down he still thinks that way. So when I go to bed he has to sleep on his dog bed in the living room or his dog bed in the office. Pampered, right?! LOL!
Anyways on the bed, I like to pet him and give him belly rubs during the day. He kicks hard and he kicked me in the shoulder leaving a big bruise. He doesn’t mean to, he tries to move his arm under the hand. But he does that too aggressively. So I taught him “nice”, and on Wednesday he got to not kick and keep his legs to himself. How smart is that?! Now Jeff can say “nice” when we watch tv and he is petting him. He still does I will put my paw on your but he does not gently. He understands not to do that. I am proud of Tex!
Life without Scotty is hard. Almost started crying again because we got to take him home. It’s nice to have him back and brings me closure. He came in a tin. Jeff is going to make him a nice box this summer. Then we are going to make a shelf with Scotty and Koko together. They get to be together again, best buds.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about myself. Last year was hard. It was hard on my mental health. I have been doing a lot of reading and watching YouTube videos on hair. Yep hair again. I know right?! What I did last year. Bleach, dye purple and dye red.
I refuse to use Artic Fox again. So I decided to go with IroIro. I got black and purple. Not sure what combination I am going to do. My hair right now is bleach blonde, red, and purple right now but really faded.
What does that have to do with what I have been thinking about? I have been thinking about how much my mom hated me changing my hair. Every time I would see her she would say get a haircut. Why can’t I just be me? I have been having fun changing my hair. But then I have been thinking about my hair and me. I always thought in the past and now that my hair is my identity. When I was younger my hair was a lot longer. I use to use it as a kind of a shield. Since back then and even now I am shy and an introvert. I have spent probably more than half my life looking after it. Well, I have had probably every hairstyle that was popular till I was an adult. I have to tell you long hair is work.
I spend a lot of time on it and researching it. But why? Why do I care what others think of my own hair even my mom? It’s hard to take criticism from her in the past. After bleaching my hair and changing its color. I come to realize I really, really don’t care about her opinion when it comes to me. How I want to look. That’s saying something. I always cared what my mom thought of me. It used to take a toll on me too.
So I am debating on doing something really out of the box for me. This summer I am thinking of cutting off all my hair. That’s right, I am thinking of buzzing off all of my hair. My hair is damaged already. It started to grow out. But I have been thinking of how nice it would be to not have to worry about my hair. I won’t have to comb it which is a pain because of my wavy curly hair. I have to put products in it to make it healthy. I have to wear a shower cap to shower. It takes hours to dry and I have never been one to really style my hair.
I at one point in my life had really short hair and I like it. Then I grew it back out. I may grow it back or I may keep it short. I may even bleach it and try different colors too. What’s the difference it would be a buzz cut. I asked Jeff what he thought. He told me “Do what you want.” Which is great that he truly lets me be me.
Changing my hair since it’s a big part of me helps with not only my self confidence it’s helps my mental health. I have been feeling pretty sad since Scotty passed. It’s been hard to adjust to having Tex being the only one. Even though he has been such a silly dog. He is showing more of his personality. It has been a big life change. It will continue to happen again and again. I hope the next big life change will be a happier one.
Also, I want to add I can tell in 2021 will change me. I have been growing up more in my mental stage. Things that were so important seem not to be anymore. The way I see things are different too. It’s good to grow up. I sometimes think of my past self and think what the hell? It makes me laugh. Even though 2021 here, in the beginning, has been shit. I can only think of what else will 2021 bring. Definitely change. I think in a good way.
February 4, 2021, was like any other Sunday. Doggies happy even Scotty was outside in the cold for a long time. I am like Scotty aren’t you cold out there? He was acting normal. That day was really cold in the negatives and we were having a snow storm. At 11 at night Jeff went out to snow blow because it wasn’t as cold as the next day was going to be. I was sitting in the house and all of a sudden Scotty couldn’t get up. Just like that. He started to drool a lot and his pupils were dilated.
I went immediately to tell Jeff. He came in and he was like “What are we going to do?” I told him to finish the driveway and then we will decide. He did and came back. I am like “He’s suffering we have to go somewhere.” Unfortunately, there are no emergency vets in our area. We had to drive in a snowstorm at midnight to Green Bay.
I knew right away that we would have to say goodbye. We cried a little bit before leaving. When we got there they took Scotty but we couldn’t come into the vet. They brought him in to check him out. We had to wait in our truck. Then the vet called Jeff and told him what she thought could be done. It was a lot but she did keep saying because of his age. We knew we had to make that tough decision to say goodbye. It was hard and super sad.
The vet’s we went to was very compassionate. Even more so when we went to the vets for Koko. We got as much time as we wanted with Scotty. Scotty was having such a hard time. He tried standing and coming over to us. Finally, I said, “Scotty go to your bed.” And then he laid down. We petted him and cried a lot. I told him “Time to go see Koko.” It was so sad but we didn’t want him to suffer which he clearly was.
When the vet came in and she told us what was going to happen. We stayed and petted him and told him he was being a good boy. Like Scotty himself was being stubborn going to sleep. She had to give him another dose to make him sleep. Stubborn to the end. Then finally he went to sleep and it was peaceful. When we got back home, Tex cried. He knew that Scotty wasn’t coming back. He was upset just like we.
I want to remember Scotty. He was a stubborn dog with a lot of heart. I remember when Jeff’s mom got him. He looked so different. I have to say this is one of my favorite pics of him as a young dog.
Look at him! Brown with that stripe on his head. He would sit on top of the couch like a cat.
When he was this young he would go outside and run circles. It was funny! He also loved to dig. One of my favorite stories is Scotty found a plastic tiger out in the yard. He dug it up. It was I would say a good size too.
Then after the passing of Jeff’s mom, Darlene. We and Jeff’s dad lived in a house together. That is where Scotty became really good friends with Koko.
Since Koko and Scotty were best buds now. We asked Jeff’s dad if we could take Scotty with us. It was hard to ask this. But he agreed and best buds got to come with us to the house we have now.
We remember after Koko passed how sad Scotty was. It took him so many months to get over that Koko wasn’t coming back. Even when we would talk about Koko later he would still look around for him.
I forget how brown Scotty was because as he aged he turned white. But he was still such a wonderful boy.
Silly! He loved going under the table or under a desk, just to come and see you and be close. He made a great leg warmer!
We know that even though Scotty wasn’t best friends of Tex. He still liked Tex. It was funny he would see where Tex was. They finally started to sleep together. It was so cute!
They would even play! Him. Play?! Scotty didn’t play but Tex and he would play. It was awesome!
This was the last pic I took of them together.
I know Jeff and I will miss him forever. We miss his ears flapping when he shook his head which he did often. We was sensitive and loving. Did I mention stubborn?! Things had to be his idea. We loved his stubbornness. We can’t even tell you what his growl was like because he never growled. When he started getting older he did become bossier. It was great! He would shove Tex out of the way to be petted. He wanted to be more around us as he aged too. His nicknames were shrimp boatbecause he was so short and could barely see out the windows. The tan one even though he wasn’t that tan anymore. Scatty! I would say. I loved hugging him and he liked it too. He loved kisses and we gave a lot of kisses. Scotty could also shake hands with both legs. He knew where “his” bed was. I would say “You talking to me?” And he would bark. It was so cute!
This will forever be my favorite pic of Scotty. He loved blankets. He loved to be wrapped up in blankets. Even better if they just came out of the dryer. Even if it was summer blankets were his thing.
My older brother, sister, sister’s husband, mom and dad all have Covid. Thanks to my older brother Corey. I was stressing! He texted me and told me he had Covid. Which we saw everyone for my dad’s birthday.
Jeff and I got the rapid test done. Within 10 minutes we got our results. We are both negative. That was a relief. I think Jeff saved him and me. We didn’t really hang out with Corey. We didn’t sit next to him and we ate in the kitchen and not with him. Also, we left early so we could watch the Packer game at home. Good save Jeff!
My mom has it bad though. She doesn’t have to go to the hospital but it’s bad. I hope she will be okay soon. My dad had more like cold systems and seems to be getting better. So you know worried about my mom.
April’s cat had to be put down. Poor Dee. Dee I have known since she was a kitten. I lived with Dee for a few years. I have seen her for many years with my mother-in-law, after she died I told April she had to have this cat as my mother-in-law had many cats.
It was so funny when I go to April’s house Dee would come out for me. Even let me pet her. If anyone else came over she hid. That’s silly. I feel bad for my friend. Losing a fur baby sucks so much.
Which is crazy last week April and I were talking about Darlene’s fur babies. We have Scotty and April had Dee. The last of what we know of Darlene’s fur babies. I was telling her that Scotty is starting to move a lot slower. I think sometimes he is all we have left alive of Darlene. You know like her memory. As April had Dee.
Then this week April tells me on Monday that Dee was walking funny. She took her to the vet and they said she may have had a stroke. They gave her some pills. But then on Tuesday, April called in tears that Dee can’t use her hind legs.
She took Dee to the vet on Tuesday. They ran some tests on her and said she has brain tumor. Also, that she went blind. Which she and I were surprised that she went blind. April said in the morning she was walking around okay and just being herself. In the afternoon is when she went down hill. I felt so bad for April. April had to say goodbye to Dee. It happened really fast.
This week just sucks. But glad to be Covid free at the same time.
So ever have a fb friend dm you to sell things but you haven’t actually talked to them in like over 10 years? Yeah, that seems to be me. I haven’t chatted with this person in like over 10 years and yet seems to think I want to sell things. Obliviously, they don’t know me well I mean I know they don’t but still, really?! She wanted to see if I wanted to sell healthy powders to drink and pills for health. I am sorry I don’t believe in that stuff. I feel like people are going to make up their own minds on that. It’s their bodies and if they want to eat shit or make it healthy then that’s up to that person. We have the internet now and can make up our own minds.
I just hate that. How about hey how’s it going? How’s life etc. I mean really? If I wanted to do any of that I would figure out how to do it.
I have come to the point in my life I just don’t really care about things as I use to. Jeff said when he was my age he started to realize that too. I just really, really do not care. Lol! It’s kind of liberating now. Right now, I am working on not saying sorry all the time. I say it without realizing it. That needs to stop. I only want to say it if I did something wrong.
I had to go to the dermatologist on Wed. I was really trying not to see him this year. But I got two places of skin irritation I couldn’t cure myself on my torso. It has been months trying too. I finally gave up and saw him. I am glad I did. He gave me two creams and I already see a difference. I should have really seen him earlier.
I decided what I want to do to my hair. I am going black purple. I won’t do this till March though. I want to try to get the color I have now to come out more.
I don’t know what I want to do with my hair. The color is fading. Not sure if I really want to bleach it. Because my hair is starting to feel healthy again. I am thinking of black but semi-permanent again. I think it would be neat to see it come out and what comes out. But I really liked my purple hair. Decisions, decisions.
This Sunday is my dad’s birthday. I have to finish his present. I made him the Mandalorian and baby Yoda cross stitches. I have to iron them and put them in their frames yet. My dad will be 66 years old.
I saw the dentist on Wed. We had a long chat and I got my teeth cleaned. Always feels so nice. I decided on getting partial dentures. I only have five teeth on top and no back teeth at all. I really want to get more implants but I just can’t. They are super expensive and our insurance changed. So that means way more out of pocket for us. I am getting that this year and then I can finally eat like a normal person. Been sucky eating since I had my tooth pulled last year. Last chewer in my mouth. Ugh! Also I am glad to have this dentist as my new dentist.
Also one of the dental assistants was like “Oh wow you have been to the dentist a lot! You got so much work done in your mouth.” We laughed I am like yeah. I am not afraid to say this or that when it comes to my teeth. I know them really well. Overall good experience.
