Saw April in her home. She is looking good. Her cat Sage is super happy she is home. I am happy for her. Going to have her charity event on July 27. Thanks to Chrissy. I hope it’s not a million degrees outside. Been absolutely hot out!
I am planning my sleeve tattoo!! I have consultations in Oct. I am going to get to half-sleeve lower of steampunk. I am super excited it’s going to be my right arm.
Thursday was the 4th of July our Independence Day. Went to mom’s house. Some of my aunts and uncles were there and some of my cousins. It was a fun day.
My mom had her friend Kathy. I have to say she was judgemental. You know how you can tell if someone is being judgemental towards you. Yes, that was her. She was judgemental about my hair being super short and my zombie tattoo. Damn I didn’t like how she said things to me. Also, my tattoos aren’t for anyone else but me.
My cousin Jeff was there and we played cards like we always do. Okay, my Uncle Dan is old! Cousin Jeff always plays these games with a billion rules! So many! Can tell that Uncle Dan was having trouble remembering them. Damn, even I can’t ever remember the rules. It’s like damn dude, keep it simple. I also got in trouble for going out of turn. Funny, cousin Jeff yelled at me and my Jeff was ready to get off the couch and yell at him for yelling at me. Lol! I love that man. Turns out it wasn’t my fault my cousin Reuben was going out of turn. I didn’t get an apology. I don’t really like my cousin Jeff anyway.
It was Tex’s birthday! He turned 6! I can’t believe he is 6. Where did the time go?!
Awe Happy birthday to our baby!
April and I made up. I was pretty upset just because I was scared something awful happened to her. But we are good now.
I went to see a TMJ specialist. I was worried because the reviews for this place were terrible. It didn’t help that the nurse to help me had zero personality which made me even more nervous about it. However! The doctor was amazing! He had a great personality and absolutely knew what he was talking about. Also, he told me he would not give up on me and would find the answer to why I was in so much pain.
I was getting depressed about my mouth. I had gone to the dentist 3 times this month alone. The dentist keeps saying nothing is wrong with my teeth, but why do they hurt? No one knows the answer to this question. I can’t have them pulled so what do I do? I was crushed on Monday because the dentist said that. Finally, he said why don’t you see a TMJ specialist maybe they can help you. I was crushed also because they couldn’t get me in till August. Until a cancelation and I got to see him on Thursday.
I will see him again in August for an in-depth X-ray. They can look at the muscles in my jaw! That’s cool! I want answers to why my jaw hurts, why my teeth hurt, and how to fix it. I feel like he can really help me. I am happy for that!
I saw the endodontist and he and I had a good conversation. He explained how a tooth works. I find it fascinating when they explain that to me. The fact of the matter is he has no idea what’s going on and I figured this is how the conversation was going to happen. I understand my case is strange. So, the conclusion is I have to take it out. He did give me a full refund, that’s great!
I went to the dentist on Thursday for another tooth. Came to the conclusion I am going to take that one out too. I am going to put two implants there. It just sucks because it’s my two side teeth in the front of my mouth.
I am mad sort of? Not because of the dentist. That is just how it is. I am mad at April. I am so sick of everyone having main character syndrome. She called me while I was at the dentist. Nothing I could do then. Then calls and calls, I had to put on do not disturb. Then I call her, and she sobbing. Telling me she has nowhere to go and asking if she can come and live with me.
She told me she couldn’t go home because she needed someone to help her use the restroom and shower. I told her she needed to go to a nursing home. She was crying. I said my home wasn’t suitable for her. First of all, we have steps to get into our home and we don’t have a bed for a guest. I was also worried that Tex would hurt her because he isn’t the most gentle dog. He sometimes plows into you not knowing how strong he is. Then that made her sob even more. I told her if you can’t get into a nursing home, yes you can live with us until we can get you in the nursing home. She really needs a nurse to be with her.
I told her to call me either way. Never heard from her. All I have done is bend over backward for her for years. Move her, take her, here and there, I am done. Fuck this! She can be so selfish. Believe it or not, I got to deal with my own shit as well, not just worry about her. I mean jeez she is 40! What is up with this? It takes literal seconds to be like I am here in a nursing home or something. I am done. I should care but I am having trouble finding where my feelings of care are. I just don’t. I think it has been just so much with Adam and his main character syndrome. That has shaped me to not give into the main character’s syndrome to others and that includes April.
I don’t know what will happen. I am mad and I don’t care at the same time. It’s a strange thing. Oh well….which is my motto of life.
On Wednesday, April told me she had an accident. She fell off her bike bad! She did have her helmet which is good because she fell on her head. Her face is all torn up and she broke her knee. April has to have surgery on her knee they are going to put a pin in it. I feel so bad for her! She won’t be able to move around completely for 6 months.
My mouth still hurts on and on. I am going to go see the endodontist on Tuesday. I feel like it will be never ending. Now, I can’t decide if it’s one tooth feeling sympathy for another. I am so sick of being in tooth pain.
A cheer up pic: A lab with his balls
I didn’t want to blog last week. Being human. Anyway, let’s go back to last week. On May 28th which was a Tuesday I went to the dentist to get a new night guard. I was super dreading it and had so much anxiety! Because last time he was combative and treated me like a child. It was fine and I feel like I got him back. I know it shouldn’t be that deep. Which is my new saying. lol! Am I hip yet? Joking! Do people still say hip? Probably not. Oh well!
Anyway, we had a conversation about my teeth and I told him, I would see a neurologist if he wanted me to. He said yes and I told him I needed a referral and he said he would. Been over a week, I don’t think he did it. Now that’s not accountability which he harped on me to go see one and yet he didn’t do it. They would have called me already. Thanks for more anxiety!
Then I had another tooth hurt. I went to see the other dentist there. I was so nervous! I got that feeling that maybe he pawned me off to the other dentist. Probably not that deep. I saw the other dentist and she was amazing! Her dental assistance was so great! They replaced an old filing. I am good with that. Very positive visit.
I decorated our lawn:
I love how some glow in the dark!
We had some wicked storms this week! Feel so bad for Tex. He was so scared he lived on his chairs for days. Of course, he got his CBD. That helped him sleep through some of it.
Now we are supposed to have some hot summer days. We will see.
Mother’s Day was last Sunday. Chrissy thought it was a good idea for a video call for all the siblings and the parents. I was so upset on this call! I wanted to hang up but no I put on my fake smile and endured. I was upset because everyone just forgave Adam and moved on. But not too long ago he threatened to commit suicide and that’s okay….This is not okay behavior. I can’t just forgive and then forget. That’s crazy! It made me feel so uncomfortable that everyone was laughing and having a good time while not too long ago that happened. No wonder he gets away with that behavior. It’s gross.
Then Chrissy texted me asking if I was okay. I wanted to say NO! If I said that, then she would tell Mom and be a whole thing. I just said yeah. I have to stay away from Adam. He is toxic and I will never be okay with his behavior ever again.
Went to my ear, nose, and throat appointment. Was so hoping they would find something. Guess what? I am normal. My hearing is good and so are my sinuses. All they gave me was a nose spray, which I am not going to take. I was sick when I went. All they wanted was to treat my sickness with a nose spray. I just can’t! I hate putting anything in my nose. I guess I will just have pain every so often for no reason. Not sure what else to do.
Then I went to my regular doctor the next day. He gave me some medicine since my cough had moved to my lungs. It really helped. I guess I should have gotten some meds beforehand. The meds helped so much! I had a really deep cough for weeks.
Other than that nothing else. Trying to get better.
I got sick!!!! I am sick of 2024. Even though Jeff said I can’t be done with the whole year. But I am. I feel a bit down because I keep getting sick which makes me feel stuck. I feel stuck in reading as I am trying to read more this year. I feel stuck that I can’t learn something new because I keep getting sick or being in pain.
I am worried about April. She is having a lot of problems health-wise. We were supposed to see each other on Monday. She told me we couldn’t because she was coughing up blood. I told her to go to the ER. At the ER she told me they treated her unsympathetic. I told her that’s typical. Not a lot of compassion anymore at the ER. They did nothing for her.
Since then she’s been sick with coughing up some blood and throwing up. She sees a doctor in June but now she has to work while being this sick. A whole month she has to go this way. I feel so bad for her.