Being human is hard with feelings. Damn you negative feelings.

Lately I have been having self doubt about myself. It all started when my cousin hurt my feelings. I think of my life and wonder why? Why people do not like me for long period of time? Is there something wrong with me?

It sucks because I hate self doubt. I know I am a good person. I am not trying to be self righteous either. I do feel that I give people a chance.

Well I told you that my cousin Alice came to WI. We went to her mother’s for a party for her since she lives in Utah. Usually we make plans to go for lunch or hang out for a little bit but this time she didn’t want too. I know she stayed for a week. Also we are supposed to be pen pals yet I haven’t seen a letter from her in over a month soon to be two. I know she just had a baby yet a week after she was born I got a letter.

Damn….

Is it because I don’t have kids I am not interesting anymore? I asked Jeff if he thinks I am boring. He said who cares what others think and besides we are DIYers we always doing something. Yeah I agree but the problem is I care a little. Why would I have self doubt then?

Just not her I think of Sheryrena how she didn’t want to hang out with me. Thought I made a new friend almost a month ago. I did physical therapy for my arm and the who was helping me was awesome! We had so much in common on the last day I said we should get together sometime. She said yes that would be fun. We are FB friends now and nothing.

This is how it is with me all of my life. And that is why it hurts I think. No matter what stage of life I am in. I meet new people, make a connection, we hang for some time then they leave. You think by now at 33 that I am used to it but no it still hurts.

Also yesterday was Labor Day. All I did was help Jeff with our wall and be in self doubt. Screw this emotion I need to get out of it. I hope soon it will pass.

Feeling emotional for a couple of days. As you know blog I try hard to be positive and try not to dwell but lately it has been unfair. And hard to do with what’s going on with April and my mom.

I feel badly for her. April has been going to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota because they wanted to see if they can fix her throat. A couple of weeks ago she went to the ER because she couldn’t breathe and not stop throwing up. Scary! They said there is something wrong with the muscles in her throat. She has always had problems with her throat when she eats. When she eats she can’t get enough air in and she chokes a little. But now it’s so much worst.

While at Mayo she has been having everything tested. Her eyes, tumor on her brain and her throat. She has such a fear of needles and have been getting stuck like a pin cushion. Good news they didn’t find that tumor on her brain. It disappear because she has been doing awesome herbal stuff. Bad news there is something wrong with her eyes. They aren’t sure if it’s a tumor in her eyes.

On top of that her family hasn’t been the nicest either. I feel horrible for her and pray she will be okay.

It’s my mom again. So unfair she got to me. I try hard to not dwell on my mom. Sometimes she is great then other times she is like this. Last Friday August 19 2016 Jeff had the day off. My mom asked me if I could come down and take her to the doctors and dad too. I agreed. Jeff said he would come along wanted to go to Menard’s. I was happy he could come. I am horrible at directions. Jeff and I made a deal. I drive there, he drive them to their appointments then I drive home. We live about forty five minutes to an hour from them.

To get there on time we had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. Early! Any way we drove them all around for hours. It was fine. Was happy to help out. But then she basically slapped me in the face this week. They are moving to an apartment as they sold their house and their house isn’t built yet. She asked me if I could help her this Saturday. I can’t Jeff’s birthday is Saturday. Then she said I never to do anything to help her.

WHAT?!!!!

Jeff on his day off and I went down last Friday and drove her to all her appointments. I could have said no. She could have asked Corey or Chrissy to help but guess what she didn’t. She asked me and like always I try to make it happen. To say I never do anything to help her is bullshit! I do a lot of things for her, to help her. It’s unfair she singles me out from the rest like always. She tries to make me feel bad and usually I am good at deflecting but this time I couldn’t. I feel sad and upset about this.

Unfortunately later today I am hanging out with her. I don’t really want too after this. But at the same time she is taking me to get my hair cut and colored. Then she wants to hang out with me for the rest of the day. I feel like canceling but I can’t. The lady who is cutting my hair I haven’t seen in years. She is very nice and I want to see her new place.

I know she only does to this to me. It’s unfair she does.

Last Saturday we helped my dad moved things from his house to storage. It sucked! It wouldn’t have been so bad if my parents didn’t have such an inclined of stairs. No wonder they rarely went down to their basement. My mom has bad knees and my dad has a hip problem. I will be happy when they move to their new place no stairs no basement. I know I am a young person and should be able to handle those stairs but carrying bins and basically going up hill is hard. Funny thing did happen. My brother in law was surprised how strong I was. I helped him move a heavy desk from one side of the garage to another. That wasn’t too bad and I have gotten stronger since I moved stuff all the time at my house. His look on his face was priceless.

Hopefully if the weather is nice this weekend. The Amish guy Melvin will come over and take out our chimney. Other than that nothing really else going on.

Saturday was a party for my cousin Alice she came to WI to show off her new baby. I so wanted to see Alice and baby Zarah. I love that name. I heard it years ago and always thought it was unique.

Anyway we went and for the first time we were the first ones at the so called party. It was strange. After about half an hour people started to show up. However it was an okay party. Alice finally came and I got to see the baby all for five minutes and that was it. Pity. I wanted to take a picture with me with the baby and never got the chance. Also didn’t get to talk to Alice for all that long either. I would say what party? Sort wish I didn’t go now. Really didn’t do anything but drink beer.

Also didn’t know but it was Alice’s first baby’s birthday. No one told us so here are some pics of him with his cake.

I did get this great pic of Alice and her mom Sue.

Love Aunt Sue the coolest Aunt ever!

Well beside the party per say I have gotten pretty far with Rick Grimes. I have three solid weeks to finish in time for Jeff’s birthday. I now think I can make it.

This past weekend Jeff got sick. Ugh. I really don’t want to be sick then again who does?

I am dumb and I am going to admit it. I figured out how to do Mallcrasher in Payday 2. I tried to do it like that guy I watched on the YouTube. I shouldn’t have done that and I never got far enough where they tell you how much you damage. So yeah. Should have known tried doing Firestarter like the YouTube video and I didn’t fair well so should have taken my own advice. Funny.

We decided to change our dresser. It has been through many moves and needs some help.

We are not done yet but getting there.

I went for a walk and I can’t believe this is near my house!

It’s so awesome! This trail used to be railroad tracks and they tore them out and made this awesome trail. Also there is a little bench too. I thought it was cute.

Early this morning I went for  a walk the other way down our street. There is a dead end not too far from our house. I like to go there and look out to see this.

What a great way to start a day.

Saturday the whole family came over even Corey and family. I was surprised they came. I have a story that really grosses me out but I will share a little later. First how the Saturday went.

I can’t believe but my sister was here first! She is always late. Mom told me she was really excited to see our house and us. What?! That surprised me. Even her kids were well behaved. Bree really loved Koko. None of them met our dogs before.

She said that Koko was her favorite and the other dog was no fun. Hence Scotty. Funny! Scotty is a shy dog.

He was so good with them. I knew he would be. He loves kids but he gets tired though too.

We all ate at our house showed everyone around. Jeff didn’t want to go to the beach with us. So here are the dogs after we all left.

They were so tired! They even slept all Sunday as well. Not only did the kids play with them they went for a jog down the street. Lol! Oh poor Koko he was tired when he came back. Scotty was ready to go again. Can tell the age difference between the two. Awe! I am glad they had fun as well.

After our house we went to the beach.

It was hot and I got sun burnt on my face. But it was actually fun. A strange guy talked to me when I was trying to swim. He was drinking beer and talking to me in the lake. My life is full of adventure apparently. Who knew? I never seen anyone at a public beach swim and drink beer at the same time.

Okay time for the disturbing story. This just really freaked me out. I can’t help feeling this way about it. Everyone brought food to share. Kim and Corey brought their own bar. Wish they would have told me because I bought beer just for Saturday. I don’t drink that much. So I wouldn’t really have any in my fridge. Anyway they brought chips. I dumped all the chips in bowls to share. Jeff said he watched Kim dig through the trash to find the bag to take the chips she brought to bring home. I am grossed out by this. By this time there was raw meat packages, snot tissues and other trash. Gross! She could have just asked for a baggie. I don’t care if you want to take your chips home they are just chips. I am disturbed anyone would dig through the trash for a chip bag. Makes me think she does other gross things like not washing her hands when she goes to the restroom. My brain just goes there apparently. Now I am glad she doesn’t hug me when she sees me and leaves. Please do not touch me.

Less gross more like okay? When we went to buy beer I saw a guy wearing high heels. He had a shirt, shorts then high heels. I thought Jeff saw him he did but not his feet. Me being more observant then Jeff again. Anyway I was thinking if you are going to wear high heels might as well go all the way. Why not right? Or maybe he just likes high heels. I was telling Jeff that Appleton has gotten stranger since I was kid. I am not against that but we don’t really see that stuff in the small town we live.

Also I worked more on Rick Grimes on Sunday. This is two weeks progress.

I feel better because now I only have his arm, gun and the rest of his hat to do. Maybe I will finish by August 27th Jeff’s birthday.