There are only a few things that are awkward for me to buy in the store. Underwear and beds. Both are guesting games if I am going to like them or not.

Recently we had to buy a bed. It’s so awkward buying a bed because you have to lay down on them in the store with strangers. Well you don’t have to lie down with strangers they are in the store plus the sale person. (Silly!) Anyways it’s awkward because you have try out the bed to see if you like it and beds can be expensive.

I hate lying down in the store to try them out. It’s just very strange lying down in the store with lights on and the sales person asking if you like that one. Sometimes depending on the store they will lower the lights. Still you know they are watching you. Creepy! Plus depends on how you sleep is how you should try the bed. Good thing I am a side sleeper but my husband is a stomach sleeper. That is a bit weird to try out in the store. Also those pillows they have for you lie on are not really great pillows. Also how many people laid there head there?

Can’t really gauge how the bed is going to be when you get it home as well. Because in the store you don’t have your blanket, you are not in your pj’s. It’s just an awkward situation to buy a bed.

When did that happen?

My dad turned 60 on Jan. 24. Wow all ready? I remembered when my dad turned 50 and I was sad because that means he was getting older. I do not like that.

When I was younger my dad and I didn’t have the greatest relationship. My dad was a classic workaholic. He always chose work over family time. Also he traveled a lot for his job. That meant missing birthday’s and anything extra that I was in.

I am not a sports person but to please my dad I signed up for all kinds of sports when I was young, softball, basketball, tennis and soccer. I wasn’t good at any of those. I also played piano and was in ballet. My dad missed a lot of my games, recitals and shows because of work. And I became bitter about it.

Also that meant missing birthdays. My dad couldn’t ever remember my birthday even though it’s the easiest birthday to remember. I was born on Saint Patrick’s Day that is not hard to forget. When I was younger I thought my dad got me the coolest gifts not knowing that my mom would buy the present and slap a tag on saying it was from dad. The coolest gift I got was a lava lamp and I thought it was from him. Till one day my and I had to go get a bulb for it and she said I picked out a good color. It was red. I was like you picked it out? I thought it was from dad? I remember feeling disappointed. Every present after that that said it was from dad I knew it was from mom.

Now that I am older and so is he. Are relationship is a lot better. We have a lot in common and talk about those subjects a lot. It’s fun to hear the stories of when he was growing up and technology is always a funny subject to talk about. And he never forgets my birthday now even though he still can’t remember how old I am. I think that is funny. I love talking with him or just hanging out.

I wish my dad was not getting older but I am glad he is still here. Jeff and I got him this Packer hat for his birthday.

I have no idea where people manners have gone maybe out the window. But I am still mad at my older brother. Last year he and his family weren’t coming to Christmas because last year they went to Texas to celebrate Christmas with his wife’s family. Well to me that means no present for their child from us.

My mom didn’t think so. I gave in and got him some medium size trucks. Actually got a good deal buy one get one for free at Walgreens. Otherwise we would have just got him one. We did see them on Thanksgiving so we gave them his presents there. She did say thanks but that is not what I am mad about.

I am mad because my parents had Christmas with them and I had to hear from my mom that he liked them, he is one. I mad at that! Why didn’t they let us know he liked them? I don’t care if he hated them just pretend he liked them. From what I gather from my mom he loved them. But one of them could of texted, FB messenger me or even called me. But I got nothing!

We went out of our way to get their child, a child I may see once or twice a year a present. We didn’t have too. We didn’t have go and wrap them either. We don’t do the extra Christmas with them. So why in the hell do we have to get him a present when we don’t even see him that often? Or even on Christmas we didn’t see him?

The answer is we didn’t. But we did anyways. Never again! If we don’t see him then no present. If I had a child and they did that for my child. I would have let them know. It’s called MANNERS! So yes I am still mad about it. Next time I see him I am going to let him know too.

Jeff’s sister’s kid is not like that. We hardly ever see her but she calls lets us know that she love the money we sent her, she is nine. Even when she was really little, his sister would call us to thank us. My older sister and brother aren’t like that. I don’t know what happened because I am like that and so is my little brother.

Saying, calling, texting whatever just to say thanks means a lot more than people think about. Would have been nice to for them to say thank you for the gift and that he loved them. I don’t think that is hard to say.

Did you ever hear that saying: Laughing is the best medicine. I find truth in that saying. I laugh every day, yes every day! Unless something really tragic happens then no one is laughing. But part from that I laugh every day. Sometimes a chuckle or a really big laugh where I am crying because it is so funny!

The reason why I laugh so much is because of Jeff, he is so funny and makes me laugh every day. He tells the funniest stories, when he says something wrong and it comes out really funny or he has many funny faces! I thought I was funny but no he is the funniest person, I have ever met. I believe everyone should find someone who makes them laugh without trying really hard at it.

We laugh about the funny things that happen to us either while we were dating or recently. We laugh about stuff that has happen to us when we were kids. We are always laughing about something! I think laughing makes life more fun. We both find the stupidest things funny too. It’s fun to have someone in my life who even finds those things funny.

I even laugh at myself. If you can’t laugh at yourself, you take life too seriously. There will always be time to be serious but not every day. And Jeff does know the difference between being funny and being serious.

In my cover photo the tan dog his name is Scotty. That is my father in law’s dog. The black dog is Koko. He’s our dog. We have had Koko for three years and he is a purebred black Labrador, he also eight years old.

First I am allergic to animals that have fur which is like a lot of them. Here how my symptoms go: itchy, watery eyes, hives then I can’t breathe because I have asthma as well. I hate it because I love animals.

Three years ago I told Jeff I really wanted a dog. So I suggested of getting a Shih Tzu because I had one when I was growing up and bonus not allergic to them because they have hair instead of fur. Jeff’s like no “I want a big dog” because while Jeff was growing up he has a lot dogs mostly German Shepherds and Saint Bernard’s which are both big dogs!

I was like “I don’t know” I really didn’t want a German Shepherd because the one they had when I met Jeff hated me. Really she hated me! So I didn’t really want one of those also HELLO I am allergic to both of those dogs.

We both thought about the pound because there are so many dogs at the pound for adoption and we both knew we really didn’t want a puppy. But the pound is also expensive. That is where my in laws got Scotty. Also I probably want them all!

So we looked on Craglist and that is where I saw him. I am like that’s it, I want him! Just something about his picture I had to see this dog. Jeff’s like “you will be allergic to him” and I was like “I don’t care we have to see this dog. “

So on the weekend we went to Green Bay and saw him. He was so hyper! But we just really cute! You know when you get that feeling that “this is right?” I had that feeling like this dog is right for us. I was like yes we will take him. Want to know how much we paid for him? Nothing! He was free! Not like that matters, I would have been gladly paid them for him. But it’s still cool!

And ever since then he has been the perfect dog for us! It was like he was meant to be part of our family. I am glad that my allergies aren’t really bad around him. But sometimes he does make me breakout but I give him a bath and we are good.

Also Koko is on the large size. They say some purebreds labs can be larger than the normal size and that is Koko. So in the end Jeff got what he wanted a large dog. (I like to point that out to him, lol!) Even people that come over just can’t believe how big he is. It’s funny to me because he doesn’t look all that big to me but I see him every day.

Also Koko is very mild dog. At first he was really hyper but that’s the breed. But when he turned seven he started to slow down. I love his personality, he doesn’t bark all that often, he loves children or people in general but he will be defend me if I get scared. Like when one of our landlords came over unannounced and started working in the yard scared me half to death because I wasn’t expecting anybody to be around Koko growled and barked at him.

I do call him my gentle giant because he really is, expect for his tail. That thing is lethal! When he gets excited that tail will whack anything! Have to be careful especially around children because he can knock them down or hurt them even though he doesn’t mean too, he just gets so excited. Also he has knocked down a lot of stuff in our house.

But all in all, he is makes me laugh. He’s does funny things and has many funny faces! He is also very clumsy. He trips over himself a lot! Which is kinda funny to see, but I also read that Labs are clumsy. It’s just funny!

Also Koko parent’s his mom was a yellow lab and his dad was a chocolate lab and he turned out black. It’s cool because in the sunlight you can see the brown show through but on his head you can see gold.

It’s nice because Koko loves Scotty they are best friends. They play together and hang out together. So it’s a good meld.

We love Koko very much and we are so happy he is part of our family!

It’s good to change right?

Lately I feel like I am changing. Like every year I have a birthday but I do not feel older till later in the year. But this feels differently like I feel differently about things in life then I did before. I have no idea how this feeling of change came along but it has.

I feel differently about my family. I have a lot of family issues in my life and it really sucks. I feel that I should be past all this anger and I hate that I have but sometimes it just hard to get past certain people and feelings I have towards them. I am sick of dealing with the same old issues and the tears I have to endure. I am sick of trying to figure out how to get around certain topics that always seem to pop up. I am sick of trying to be someone that I am not. I am really sick of my family judging me for being the person that I am. I just want these family issues to just go away. I want to find the strength to stand up for myself and say what I really want to say but it’s really hard to do that.

So far this year I did tell a person how I felt and it was really hard. Also this certain family member didn’t talk to me for a week which I was okay with because I was so angry at them. In fact these certain family member makes me very angry and sad. But also at the same time they make me happy and make me laugh. And when it’s just me and them alone we always have the best time. It’s very hard to find a balance with them. The incident that happened I think had to happen because I felt like exploding! Unfortunately I feel these feelings will never go away but ever since this happened I feel differently towards this person. And I think that why I feel this change coming along.

Since I am on the internet I rather not say who this person is even though none of family reads my blog anyways.

I have feeling of giving up on certain parts of my family life and I am okay with that. Sucks for those people I am giving up on because they are going to be missing me in the future but this just has to happen. It’s like I have gave them so many chances and they choose not take them. Also when I see them I am not going to pretend that I will see them anytime soon. I hate when they say “we need to get together more” and I am always thinking well I gave you like a million chances to do that you never take them. This year I am just going be like “okay” and move on.

Also on Facebook I am not following these people anymore. I am sick of their posts about all the family things they do and how they gloat about it. It’s sad that I feel so much hate towards parts of family life. I really need to work on this and move past this but it has been my entire life of trying and failing. I feel so differently towards my family issues that I just feel like giving up on those parts even though they make me who I am.

However I do not feel differently about my tiny family meaning just my husband and I. In fact that part of my life is the best part. We have been through so much of my family issues that he has really been my rock through it all. Like when I cry and feel so sad, he gives me the biggest hug and listens to what I have to say. Or when I am so angry all I see red, he listens and finds solutions to the problems. I always feel so much better when he picks me up from those horrible emotions.

I feel differently on the inside. I feel that this change is good and moving me towards the person I am supposed to be. Maybe this change will make me stronger and not the coward that I see in the mirror. I know that since I have been blogging I actually feel stronger to say “Hey this is me and I just don’t care what you think about me.” All that is important is what I think about myself.

I hoping this change will move me to the things I want to get done to myself, so I feel better about myself. Like I want to lose a lot of weight so I feel different. I am not losing weight for anyone else but myself because I want to go and see so many places. Being a bigger person doesn’t let me do those things. I want to get a bunch of tattoos for me. I have a lot of ideas of what I want to get tattooed as well. I want to publish one of my stories; I don’t even care if one person buys it. Just want to say I got a book published would just be so cool.

There are so many things I want to see and do before I die. And with that I guess I really need this big change in my life right now.

I really like listening to hard rock when I am sad or angry; it always makes me feel better about myself. The song I like to listen to when my family is getting on my nerves is 5 Finger Death Punch Bulletproof. This song is so special because no matter what they say or throw at me, I am Bulletproof from their hateful words.

My younger brother Adam just moved to Portland Oregon. Finally! He has been talking about moving out there for a couple of years. One of his best friends and his girlfriend moved there awhile back. I guess Portland is the place to be. Well ever since then he moved out there my younger brother has been dying to move there but he would always come up with all kinds of excuses not to leave. He finally had no excuse to go a couple of months ago. His friend broke up with his girlfriend and needed a roommate. So he called my brother and to sweeten the deal he had a job for him. So there was no reason he couldn’t go. So he did which is good for him.

When we were younger we were best friends. Of course we had sibling rivalry but again who doesn’t? (Unless you are an only child.) Anyways when we got older our relationship sucked. It’s too bad that he had to move away for our relationship to be back on track but I will take it.

It’s funny thinking about the past with my brother. We are only three years apart so life when we were younger was fun because he wasn’t a little kid yet still could be very annoying. Since I was older I could boss him around that was the fun part. Ha! I use to make him do concerts with me for our parents. Make up dance routines to songs and then perform them. It was fun to do that also I think that is what we are doing in this photo. Fun times!

Also being older I would always stand up for him at school. I was pretty protective of my little brother and wouldn’t let anyone push him around. In return when he got to high school he would do the same for me. I am a shyer person then he. He always had a ton of friends which I use to be so jealous of. For example Adam could walk into a room full of people and like know half them and by the end of the night know more than half of the people. Me I would know one person and probably only know three people at the end of the night. So yes my brother is a huge social butterfly. Anyways in high school I was very shy so he and his friends would sit with me at lunch made me feel like I belong somewhere. We really looked out for each other growing up.

So when we got older and we started to separate, it made me sad because I love my little brother very much. Now that he is starting to come around in life again, I am really grateful to have his relationship back.

Here is a photo of us in high school together.

Adam I am glad you are in my life again. I love you so much!

Friday October 10 2014

Time to go home

Time to leave the fancy hotel and go home. During our whole vacation I didn’t sleep very well. First bed in the Hyatt really sucked, it was lumpy, the bed in The Henry was comfy but it wasn’t my bed. I also missed Koko who cuddles with me before I go to bed. So maybe three to four hours of sleep a night during vacation, I was tired and really wanted to sleep in my bed. On this day I actually got up at quarter to seven. That rarely happens because I am a night owl. I could tell I was getting to the point of exhaustion because I was crabby. The ride back home was pretty, but I was driving, so had to really see the pictures to really see the beautiful water and the Mackinac Bridge again.

Also on the way back I wanted to stop at a souvenir shop. On the way up we passed a souvenir shop that said it was the largest in the country so had to stop there. We looked at the reviews online of the shop and all the reviews said how wonderful this shop was. So I was excited to see what kind of treasures I would fine. When we finally got there it was raining and we really had to use the restroom. When we got inside the shop, we asked if we could use their restrooms. They told us that they had a portable potty outside. Are you kidding me? I am going to spend money in your shop and I have to go outside in the rain to potty. I thought that was ridiculous but when you have to go, you have to go. Anyways I was so disappointed in this shop. It was just a bunch of junk in there. I could find better stuff at Goodwill. But I did find some stuff. I found some little stuff for my friend Helen, also a little statue for my friend April for Christmas. Jeff found a cool eagle statue for his dad. I also found some cool little figurines for my figurine collection. Oh and the workers were very strange especially when we asked about the restroom. There weren’t all that friendly. We got there around almost five clock and they close at five. They didn’t even tell us they were closing they just turned off all the lights. First of all we were the only customers in there you could just tell us you were closing.

All in all that shop has false advertisement and the people who reviewed this shop has never been to a thrift store in their life I would assume because a lot of the stuff was donated you could tell and all the stuff was just junk. I would have better luck finding cooler stuff at a garage sale. So yes very disappointed in this shop.

While driving in Michigan they have these funny signs we would see every so often. They would say “Pass with care” I thought those where funny because you wouldn’t pass with care you would pass with rage. I am passing them because they are going so freaking slow I am going to lose my mind! So no one ever passes with care on the road they pass with rage. Too funny!

When we got Wisconsin it was dark out. I hate driving in the dark because all the headlights on the cars make it hard for me to see plus we were driving back roads there were so many deer. I was afraid I was going to hit one. Gratefully we made it home without incident. I was so happy to be home and to go to bed. I slept like for a whole day! It was nice. I love vacation because it’s a way to see cool things and meet or see the weirdest people. But I also love being home after vacation to appreciate the mundane stuff I do every day.