It’s a strange thing. Before when I wanted children all I could dream about is having children and dreaming about what they would be like. That’s pretty much all I dreamt about for years and years. Most of the time I dislike it because I would remember when I was younger and I would dream of things that weren’t real. Like being a superhero with powers and such of that nature. Like actually having fun in my dreams. Maybe being a vampire or whatever. Who knows. It’s not like I didn’t dream about other things but it was mostly that.

When we decided not to have children. Guess what? My dreams totally changed. I know dream of cool things. Things that can’t be real but I have dreams where I am having a lot of fun. I am one of those people who can remember dreams not all but most. I can also at the beginning of sleep control them. Not all the time but sometimes. Until I fall into a deep sleep and don’t remember anything. It’s pretty great and also my mood seems happier.

It wasn’t meant to be but for the better. It’s strange how one thing can be focused on so intently and so deeply. When it doesn’t happen it can be really sad. Trust I went through a lot of sadness about it.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like I can enjoy life as is. I can enjoy the children already in my life. Like my niece and nephews. Then I can go home and enjoy my fur baby.

I am enjoying life now and I am happy.