For the first time ever I had jealously rage! I have never had jealously rage before so I was surprised when I had it. It’s kinda silly now that I think of it but yeah I had it.

This is what has been going on. Soon we are starting the adoption process. So been talking about this since last year. My sister asks you when you guys start the process. The honest truth we have to pay into taxes this year and it sucks! That’s what we need to start but we have figured it out to do both. It’s nice we don’t have to pay taxes till April so that gives us some lee-way on when to pay for things.

My sister starting saying what if I was your surrogate. At first I was like no way! Then as Jeff and I discussed it, I considered it. Jeff looked up what that would cost and SHOCKED! It costs as much as adoption. Then what if it doesn’t work have to pay again and again. No thanks.

I don’t understand where was everyone about two to three years ago? Or when I was in my twenties. All of sudden I talk about adoption and those two Jeff and my sister talking alternatives. That pissed me off.

Here is jealously rage. My sister was talking she could use her egg and Jeff’s sperm and carry the baby. OH HELL NO! ACTIVATE JEALOUSY RAGE! Jeff is my guy! Yeah that is what my brain was thinking sounds ridiculous now, and I understand that. I get that she would give up all rights to the baby and all of the other stuff it comes with. But the thought of her DNA and Jeff’s really made have jealously rage! All I can say is I am only human.

I took me awhile to decide. So I decide to look at alternatives to get pregnant etc but still do adoption. I just so want a child so badly.