Life without Scotty is hard. Almost started crying again because we got to take him home. It’s nice to have him back and brings me closure. He came in a tin. Jeff is going to make him a nice box this summer. Then we are going to make a shelf with Scotty and Koko together. They get to be together again, best buds.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about myself. Last year was hard. It was hard on my mental health. I have been doing a lot of reading and watching YouTube videos on hair. Yep hair again. I know right?! What I did last year. Bleach, dye purple and dye red.

I refuse to use Artic Fox again. So I decided to go with IroIro. I got black and purple. Not sure what combination I am going to do. My hair right now is bleach blonde, red, and purple right now but really faded.

What does that have to do with what I have been thinking about? I have been thinking about how much my mom hated me changing my hair. Every time I would see her she would say get a haircut. Why can’t I just be me? I have been having fun changing my hair. But then I have been thinking about my hair and me. I always thought in the past and now that my hair is my identity. When I was younger my hair was a lot longer. I use to use it as a kind of a shield. Since back then and even now I am shy and an introvert. I have spent probably more than half my life looking after it. Well, I have had probably every hairstyle that was popular till I was an adult. I have to tell you long hair is work.

I spend a lot of time on it and researching it. But why? Why do I care what others think of my own hair even my mom? It’s hard to take criticism from her in the past. After bleaching my hair and changing its color. I come to realize I really, really don’t care about her opinion when it comes to me. How I want to look. That’s saying something. I always cared what my mom thought of me. It used to take a toll on me too.

So I am debating on doing something really out of the box for me. This summer I am thinking of cutting off all my hair. That’s right, I am thinking of buzzing off all of my hair. My hair is damaged already. It started to grow out. But I have been thinking of how nice it would be to not have to worry about my hair. I won’t have to comb it which is a pain because of my wavy curly hair. I have to put products in it to make it healthy. I have to wear a shower cap to shower. It takes hours to dry and I have never been one to really style my hair.

I at one point in my life had really short hair and I like it. Then I grew it back out. I may grow it back or I may keep it short. I may even bleach it and try different colors too. What’s the difference it would be a buzz cut. I asked Jeff what he thought. He told me “Do what you want.” Which is great that he truly lets me be me.

Changing my hair since it’s a big part of me helps with not only my self confidence it’s helps my mental health. I have been feeling pretty sad since Scotty passed. It’s been hard to adjust to having Tex being the only one. Even though he has been such a silly dog. He is showing more of his personality. It has been a big life change. It will continue to happen again and again. I hope the next big life change will be a happier one.

Also, I want to add I can tell in 2021 will change me. I have been growing up more in my mental stage. Things that were so important seem not to be anymore. The way I see things are different too. It’s good to grow up. I sometimes think of my past self and think what the hell? It makes me laugh. Even though 2021 here, in the beginning, has been shit. I can only think of what else will 2021 bring. Definitely change. I think in a good way.