Dreams

It’s a strange thing. Before when I wanted children all I could dream about is having children and dreaming about what they would be like. That’s pretty much all I dreamt about for years and years. Most of the time I dislike it because I would remember when I was younger and I would dream of things that weren’t real. Like being a superhero with powers and such of that nature. Like actually having fun in my dreams. Maybe being a vampire or whatever. Who knows. It’s not like I didn’t dream about other things but it was mostly that.

When we decided not to have children. Guess what? My dreams totally changed. I know dream of cool things. Things that can’t be real but I have dreams where I am having a lot of fun. I am one of those people who can remember dreams not all but most. I can also at the beginning of sleep control them. Not all the time but sometimes. Until I fall into a deep sleep and don’t remember anything. It’s pretty great and also my mood seems happier.

It wasn’t meant to be but for the better. It’s strange how one thing can be focused on so intently and so deeply. When it doesn’t happen it can be really sad. Trust I went through a lot of sadness about it.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like I can enjoy life as is. I can enjoy the children already in my life. Like my niece and nephews. Then I can go home and enjoy my fur baby.

I am enjoying life now and I am happy.

Life

Jeff and I got our boosters on Tuesday. Jeff had a bit of fatigue. I got it bad. I had a lump in my throat Tuesday and Wednesday all day. Felt like throwing up. Felt very fatigued and that feeling you get when you are sick that you are not there. Had that all Wednesday. I was super tired too. I predicted I would because my second shot was the same. Now I am all better and I got to say it was worth it.

Been trying to try other coffee. To expand my taste. LOL! I want to try something different. I tried this from Costco. I was looking at reviews of the Costco coffees and this was the only one that had the best reviews.

WOW! This IS the best coffee from Costco. It does not punch you in the face coffee. I don’t like bold or medium even though this is medium. The taste is mild and very good. Will get it again.

Life

Not too much going on this week. Let’s see….

My back feels better. Now I am back to me. I started Keto again right on the first. It seems a bit easier this time. I think because I don’t leave the house as often. No temptations. I admit I am a little scared again of Covid. There is an outbreak in my town and Jeff had to work the whole week at home because of it. We are going to get our boosters next week.

I made this cross-stitch because I thought it was funny:

I mean yes to both. They are nuts and we are nuts. LOL!!

Goodbye 2021

This is going to be a long one. I will start with the now and then head backward. Then go back to what I wasn’t ready to share but now ready to share. I feel good about our decision. But let’s go back to last week. On Monday 12-20-2021. We took the parents to see the Santa Rockin’ Lights. I was disappointed. It was shorter than the other years. We took a video in 2019 and confirmed that this year was fewer lights. Sad! However, it isn’t just about the lights. It’s the time I get to spend with my parents just us. We like that.

Then on Wednesday I was trying to move this heavy box and did something really stupid. I didn’t lift with my knees and hurt my back really badly. To the point, I couldn’t hardly move. I have hurt my back in the past but this was the worst I have ever done. So that meant I had to skip Christmas. Which really sucked. My parents came by the day before and celebrated a little with us and brought some presents. They brought our presents to give to everyone else. I was sad because I do like Christmas and giving presents. What made me sad was that no one called me. The only person to say thank you was Corey. Positive it was nice to not go to Christmas as well. It was bad outside and to drive an hour away would have been a pain. Plus I got to chill with Jeff. That is always the best.

This year went pretty fast, I have to say. I made a lot of things this year. That’s always fun. Let’s see I made a bunch of diamond paintings, made some Yodas with my looms, and did some cross-stitching. That’s a lot.

I fell off my diet and gained all my weight back and then some. Yes, I did. I ate whatever I wanted and only exercised sometimes. Jan 1st is Keto all the way. I never ever want to be this fat again. Even though it will be really tough it will be worth it.

Jeff and I are saying goodbye to adoption. Oh, I really wanted to have a child or children by the time I turned 40. Life has different plans for different people. As for Jeff and me, we decided to be kidless. We are happy being fur baby parents. It was a long and hard decision to make. We didn’t fully understand what it was like to have strangers poke in our lives and I mean they want to know EVERYTHING. We aren’t like that. We like to be private people not like we don’t have social media but not like that. That was CRAZY!

On top of that, they say that you are not buying a baby when you really are. They sell you on that. In total, we probably spent 3 thousand however if we were to get a baby and the legal fees all of that would have been around 20 grand. Who has that just around? Yes, you get some of that back from the government but that’s only if the child has been with you for some months. It’s so crazy to have that kind of cash on hand to adopt a child. We picked one of the lessor adoption agencies because cash was a real factor in what we could afford. Also felt like they weren’t in it for the money. However, if you got loads of money you can have a child in a year or two. That is how it goes. But of course, you are NOT buying a baby. Sure……

After coming to the conclusion that I don’t want or need to have kids to be happy. WOW, my whole mental health changed to be more positive. I was always a bit sad around Christmas because I thought of what it would be like when we would have a kid. But now I don’t feel that way. I don’t hate kids or anything like that. I see Jeff and me how we are now and it’s great. We have free time. I sleep in on Sundays. I don’t know if we save money. lol! But it’s pretty great plus we have Tex. Maybe another dog in the future not sure. But I see all the positives not of having children.

The hardest part was telling my parents that we are going kidless. We were surprised by their reaction they were cool with it. WHAT!!!??!! That isn’t my mom at all. But yeah she was cool with it. Wow!

This year like any year had ups and downs. I learned a lot this year more about myself. I know I grew more mentally and emotionally. (And physically but the wrong way. LOL!)

I’m looking forward to whatever 2022 will bring.

Goodbye, 2021!

Resident Evil

You know what a big fan of Resident Evil I am. So I really wanted to see the new movie Resident Evil Welcome to Racoon.

First going to the theater was dumb. We had to wait for 10 or was it 20 minutes to get snacks. Because some guy decided to buy a ton of gift cards. Why couldn’t he do it at the ticket counter or why didn’t the manager help this guy so that others could get snacks? Another thing is they never turned off the lights so we could actually watch the movie. The movie was dark and it was hard to see it with the stupid lights on.

The movie was TERRIBLE! None of the storylines made sense. They cramped in Resident Evil 1,2 and Code Veronica for some reason. They picked the wrong actors to play any of the characters as well. It was so extremely disappointing and terrible. I don’t understand with all the story material no one can seem to make a good Resident Evil live-action movie.

The only best part of going to the theater was going with Jeff.

Life

I made this penguin even though Jeff said it doesn’t look like one. Oh well! I made it for myself. The pic doesn’t show it but it’s on sparkle Aida that Helen gave me many years ago. I love it!

It’s winter here now. It snowed and it stayed. Ugh! However, still feel positive and that’s what is important. I have been getting up and going for walks. Even in the snow. I am pretty proud of myself.

Happy Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving was a different Thanksgiving. We haven’t been at Thanksgiving in 2 years. The Thanksgiving in 2019 we went to see Jeff’s sister. Then 2020 happened. Nothing more to say there. It was different because it’s the first Thanksgiving I went to without my parents.

My dad had hip replacement surgery and there were some complications. So he wasn’t feeling up to going to Thanksgiving this year which made my mom happy. She has always hated going to Thanksgiving. I know Jeff didn’t really want to go without my parents but sometimes we have to adult even when we don’t want to.

I am glad we went this year. I have to say Thanksgiving has really thinned out since I was a kid. Not too many go anymore. It was still good to see some of my aunts and uncles and stay and chat.

I am starting to see why Vin Diesel says “It’s all about the family!” Because it is.

Life

I did this diamond painting clock.

On Monday I went to April’s house. It looks nice in there and she has it mostly organized. I got to meet her new member of her family, Sage. Who is a 5-month-year-old kitten. She was so interactive. Didn’t run and hide when I came and let me hold her. It was so fun playing with her.

On Saturday we are going to get 8th of a cow. Never done anything like that before. I just know it’s not only going to save us money but it’s going to taste delicious!

Life

For the first time in a very, very long time I am excited for Christmas. It’s because of something that I have made up my mind about. I am not ready to share but am almost there to share. I am optimistic about the future which usually I am not.

Remember when I said I will never ever have a puppy again? Like I was really dead set on never having one again. Well….we decided to live the nightmare again. I know, I know I said never again. This time will be different since Jeff works from home more. He can help out more too.

Jeff really wants a silver lab but if we can’t find one of those then chocolate lab this time. We want a girl lab too this time. I think Tex will be curious at first. I think Tex will be fine having a sister. We are excited to have another dog in our life.

Ah, this time of year again. It’s starting to get cold out. Today is 32F. However, I go for a walk in the morning. Not every day but I am trying three times a week. It’s so hard because I hate mornings and walking in the cold sucks. But I am trying and for that, I am proud of myself.

Life

Happy Halloween! I like seeing the costumes but only online. lol! No one tricks or treats over here anymore. We are going to watch the new Candyman and eat junk food. lol! Why not?! It will be fun!

Tex went and got groomed and he got a Halloween handkerchief.