Finally! Adam is getting help. I am so proud of him. He is seeing a therapist twice a week and taking his pills. Way to go bro!
We carved pumpkins. Jeff did the wolf in the middle and I did the other two. I can’t believe my cursed turned out:
I got a new diamond painting, it so fits me.
Then I did this lady. I thought when I ordered her she was drinking coffee but she is smelling a flower. LOL!
I finished my elephant that was very hard to do.
I am very worried right now. I am worried about Adam’s health. I really hope he doesn’t do anything stupid. Adam has really bad depression and he also suffers from bipolar disease. He isn’t doing well right now. It really sucks he lives in Oregon, so far away.
The situation he has been telling me he has been trying to find a job that is not food-related. Okay that this fine. Since he always works in the food industry. Adam doesn’t handle rejection well so I am thinking because he can’t find the job he wants or has been rejected, he has sunk into his depression. I feel bad for him.
How we found out because he is terrible at communicating in general. Adam’s BFF messaged me really late at night one night and asked if I heard from Adam. Actually, it was the day that FB went down. Even so, hearing from him is hard. Not sure why that is. That got me worried that something happened. I told the BFF no. Then messaged him like crazy till he responded. He told me he didn’t want to talk about it but he was fine.
Of course, he isn’t fine. Dad called and talked to him and told him, if he didn’t get help, he would call the police. You know for a wellness check. Which I do believe dad would have done. He asked mom if they could come out and mom told him no. That sounds harsh but have to look at it from our perspective. This has been happening since Adam was a teen and now he is 36 years old. Adam loves playing the victim and he can get dad to do what he wants for him. But mom she is a hard nut to crack really. She said if they did go down there we all know what would happen. It would be a lot worse which yes it would be. It would be a lot of yelling and crying from both parties. Adam can say some pretty harsh things when he is like this and I understand why mom doesn’t want to go through that anymore. If he truly would cooperate with anyone. We all would go over there to help but that isn’t how that goes, ever.
Dad has even offered him right now. Do you want me to call someplace? Maybe they can take you or come and get you? Guess what nothing from him. I know that some of Adam’s long-time friends went over there to check on him. I know my parents are trying to get in touch with him, to see what can be done. But if he doesn’t call or message how can it be? It’s hard.
When you love someone who has bipolar depression you pick up patterns. Right now Adam is in the phase of the “I love you. I am sorry I worried you” phase. Which every couple of days I will get these messages. Which indicates he is not really helping himself. If I don’t hear from him, he is somewhere to get help. I hope it’s that one soon. There isn’t anything I can say or do to help him to get the help he needs. All I get is ignored.
It’s hard to bring other siblings into the mix. Since the whole covid Corey thing. Dad put us all in a chat together. Get this Corey doesn’t respond for a day. Then says “Thanks for including me. Love you guys.” A day! This isn’t your show, man! This is our brother who really needs some help. It isn’t about you. Made me mad he said that. So far silence to that since no one said anything back to him.
Chrissy didn’t really grow up with us and Corey was around a little. But I don’t remember him when around when Adam was at his lowest. When the depression at home got really bad. Thankfully, I would be there to be like hey let’s talk to Mom and Dad. Or he would tell Mom or Dad he needed to go to the hospital. I have been getting closer to my sister and to have her ask me “What’s going on?” I don’t know what to say. It’s strange to have her here. But I do think it’s a good thing.
I was so proud of Adam last year. He was going to a therapist and taking his meds. This means he fell off the wagon again. I don’t blame him and I am not angry this happened. This has happened over and over. I think the first couple of times I did get mad that he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to do. But now I understand more about this mental health.
I told him that I will always worry about him. He is my BFF too and always will be here to talk or get advice from or just even to just listen. I love him and I hope he gets what he needs.
More working on the laundry room. It’s slowly turning into a gray room. Lol! Jeff only got to paint one coat of gray on the ceiling before running out of paint.
Before:
I hate this light. It’s so dated.
After:
This light was inspired by mom’s chandelier in her bathroom. We don’t have lights yet for it but we will get some this weekend. Yeah, you can see the square where Jeff painted but that will also be gone too. Needs that second coat.
FINALLY, I almost healed from the wasps! I got new skin growing where the blister was and I have no more puffy foot. It still sometimes puffs when I wear shoes. Will ask my doctor when I see him in October about that. I can walk around and wear shoes again! It took about 2 months to heal it was crazy hard to find anyone to help me. I guess I should expect as much with everything going on but still crazy that I had to go to another place to find anyone to help me with that.
We are starting work on our laundry room. Remember we painted it green. Now we want gray and we also put up cabinets.
Before: Yes that is dog hair. All clean now.
After:
This weekend will be new light fixture and painting of the ceiling.
Happy Anniversary to my love Jeff! Today we have been married for 14 years or how I like to say forever. That’s not a bad thing, it’s a really good thing! I love him so much! For our anniversary I wanted to get him something unique. I made us royal.
Hahahahaha! We look awesome!
Well going back and forth and back and forth forever. I told Chrissy your house to celebrate mom’s birthday without Corey. Seriously took forever, she couldn’t make up her mind. She wanted to see me but also mom. At first, just everybody doing things with mom on our own time till just getting together. UGH! I had to make the decision. So seeing mom on Saturday.
I have a problem with my feet. They are swollen from still being stung by the yellow jackets. Can’t get in to see my doctor no matter how many times I call because of covid. So now I have to wait a month when I see him for my physical which isn’t till Oct 7. I told myself still going to do what I want and have to rest at night. I can’t be just sitting around forever. I can walk it’s a little painful but not too bad till nighttime. I need to get moving. If it does get really really bad I can go to the walk-in clinic but still, I feel like I can wait. It’s all I can really do anyways. I know what they are going to say gotta see my doctor. Well I can’t he is booked and I am considered not urgent so….yeah. Fuck the healthcare system.
I gave up! My leg started to get a huge blister filled with liquid. It was gross and it hurt. So I looked around and found a walk-in clinic in Green Bay. It had a 5-star rating and it was an Aurora Clinic in a Walgreens. I went in and in five minutes I was seeing someone. The lady at the front was super nice, funny, and warm. I saw a nurse practitioner and she was the nicest and actually listened to me. She gave me antibiotics which Dr. Google said I needed. They helped a lot! My blister did break it was insane! I have never had that big of one. Also, my other foot was super swollen.
Finally, my other swollen foot got better but to this day still dealing with a blistered ankle. I am for sure going to have a huge scar. I was thinking of getting a tattoo there over the scar. I am thinking like a zombie bite. LOL! I think that would be cool! HAHAHAHAHA!!! I have to see if I can get that done.
I am for sure done with Thedacare. What a bunch of morons. They again sent me a letter in the mail to change my appointment, the third time. When I called them. They didn’t know where to sent me to or talk to. So fuck ’em. I am going to try and get a different doctor at the tribal clinic. The reviews are so good for that place and since Jeff works at the tribe I should be able to go. I will see how that goes.
Got super mad at my mom! Can you guess what it’s about? Oh, Corey again. Fuck that guy! Fuck him! Seriously! Fuck you, Corey! Mom’s birthday is coming and I thought I convinced my mom not to invite Corey and family. One they aren’t vaccinated, two they went to Florida and I know they won’t be quarantined for 2 weeks before seeing anyone. I refuse to see him and his family without my booster. I am so super pissed by it and mom trying to tell me “But we are family”. Fuck that! He is a potential murder and it’s okay? NO, IT’S NOT! I won’t hear it. I don’t care if someone wants to be anti-vaxxer just stay the hell away from me. This pandemic is not over. I don’t know when it will be but I refuse to let anyone tell me what to feel about it. I can make up my own mind and have my opinion and this is what I feel about it.
UGH! So I guess I just have to see how it all turns out. Also, talked to Chrissy about it and she was on the same page as me. So she said she will try to figure it out with Corey and let me know. Otherwise, Jeff and I can go see mom on our own time to celebrate.
When I was feeling really bad about my wasp stings. My sister and sister-in-law Dawn sent me gifts! I wasn’t really expecting anything. I just wanted to throw myself a pity party on FB. LOL!
Chrissy got me a package gift. Too silly!
Dawn got me chocolate. Yum!
Where to start for this week?
Let’s do the bad first and end with the good.
On Monday, August 16 I was mowing the lawn in our backyard until a swarm of bees attacked me. At first, I thought I was bitten by a mosquito because I felt a prick but all of sudden it was a lot of pricks in my skin. I look down and I am being attacked by a LOT of bees!
It hurt so badly! I haven’t felt pain like that in a very VERY long time. It made me cry A LOT! Thankfully Jeff had the day off. He tried to help with some home remedies but nothing worked. I decided to go to the emergency room. The worst stungs were my inner thigh and one got me behind my ear. I was in such terrible pain! I couldn’t stop crying because it was so painful. My left ankle took most of the stings. It swelled up so badly that I couldn’t walk.
When we were in the ER it was busy! We had to sit for a long time to be seen. Which normally that is how ER is but in the town I live in usually it isn’t. When the ER nurse took me back, she had me walk all the way to the last room. Thankfully Jeff helped me to get there. He held my hand because I could barely walk. Why didn’t they give me a wheelchair?
The nurse and the doctor didn’t treat me the way they should’ve. They just kept asking if I have ever been stung by a bee before. The answer is yes but not like 20 all at once. They gave me the attitude since I am not allergic and my asthma was okay that it wasn’t a big deal that I was in so much pain.
I was in so much pain my body couldn’t stop shaking. I have had that only a few times when I would have teeth problems. My body just can’t handle the pain and I start shaking. That was me in the ER. All they did was give me Benadryl and one dose of an antibiotic. They sent me home. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
They failed to mention, I had to look it up on Google was I could get toxin sickness. I got toxin sickness later in the night. Which according to Google can happen anywhere from 4 to 6 hours after getting stung multiple times. I got stung nearly 20 times. After six hours of getting stung, I got a fever near 100 and my stomach felt queasy. I was in bad shape on Monday.
Tuesday was just a tiny bit better. First I wasn’t in such terrible pain, no more fever, and my stomach was fine. But my ankle was still swollen and everywhere they stung me burned. It was intense! I couldn’t lay down in bed because of my legs. Laying on the sheet or even having a blanket on them burned so very, very much! I literally didn’t sleep all of Monday till Tuesday in the afternoon. I couldn’t. I finally gave up and took some sleepy pills. I really hate taking those they always mess with me the next day but I really needed sleep.
Sleep helped. Now I have itchy burning. I have this strange thing happening to my wrist/arm. They stung me in my wrist on my right arm. I feel warm then cold, sometimes my hand goes numb then a jolt of pain up my arm. Not sure what to do about that. I think it’s a nerve thing. All I can really do is wait it out. There is a huge reason why I don’t trust doctors even more so here in my town. They don’t care and they don’t give good information. I thought for sure they would help me or give me advice on what to do but I was wrong. I do try to avoid the doctors or the ER as much as possible and now even more so after this. I’ll just have to figure it out myself unless I need them and it’s really not fixable by myself. So ridiculous!! I don’t go to the ER for fun. It’s the last place I ever want to be.
Now for the good. Sort of sad but good.
Jeff and I made boxes for Scotty, Dee, and Red. Red was Chrissy’s dog. He passed away in 2018. I was telling her we are making boxes for Scotty and April’s cat Dee because we don’t like the tins we got from the vet’s. That’s when she was like can you do one for Red? We still have him in our office just sitting there. I was like yes of course! So we made them. They turned out so great. We also got plates engraved for all the boxes. People got to choose what they wanted to say.
I am happy with how they turned out. We still have some work making the shelves for Scotty and Koko. Want to get some pics of them and put them on their shelves. But we got the hard part done which was the boxes themselves.
This blog post is going to be different. I thought I would write down what has been brought up many times this week and last week. It was unexpected for me to even talk about but yet here I am talking about it again.
How it started was, I was going through pictures of Jeff’s mom. I tell Jeff he was pretty lucky. Even though he has a half-brother and sister, (like me) when he came along it was like he was the only child. His mom and dad paid attention to him and they were a family of three. Attentive parents. Even when his dad would travel for work he would call every day.
I get a little jealous but I also think it’s great! I wonder how that would feel.
My dad was a workaholic.
I know I have talked about this before. But it just seems extra this time because I see it in other parts of my family. That was one thing I told Jeff even before we got married. Yes, you CAN make more money working somewhere else but if it means you are gone all the time. That isn’t going to work for me. I know that seems like it seems, I guess. But the trauma I had to go through as a kid, I don’t want as an adult.
I have been going through old pics with my family and Jeff’s family. There aren’t a lot of pics of me and my dad. This makes me sad. Dad was gone A LOT in my childhood. I remember feeling resentment for a long, long time.
I remember when we would go on family vacations, work still was the most important than even us. I remember dad would HAVE to make calls to work even on vacation. I hated that! We had to stop here or there for dad to call work. Remember this was before cell phones.
I remember dad being gone for weeks. One time he was gone for 3 months! What was worse was he would forget my birthday. He would miss sporting events which I have stated before I only joined for him! I hated doing sports. It was my way for dad to be in my life and be there for me. It didn’t work. He would miss piano concerts which were nerve-wracking for me to do because I am so introverted.
The worst moment is when I thought of all those gifts throughout my life, my dad picked out for me. Mom accidentally one time let it slip it was her. That hurt a lot. More than she probably knows.
Now as an adult, I do understand why my dad worked so hard. One him being an absolute workaholic. Two my parents can now afford to go on trips, do things they want that costs money because he worked so hard. For me, though I wish there were more moments, more pictures of us together.
However, I was in my 30’s that I finally forgave him. It was a hard road of feelings to get to that point. I think dad I have a good relationship now.
That is why I told Jeff that yes money is great. You can make enough for what he does. But if it costs you not being with me. I couldn’t handle it. I think moments of being together are more important than the amount of money one can earn. Yes! Money is important but it doesn’t have to take over your life with working too much. Because I have seen what it did to me and how I felt all those years. I see it in Corey’s life. He is a workaholic. I think that is bad. I see in my sister’s life that her husband is gone a lot for work too, traveling. That is something I would never want.
As anyone knows forgiveness is a hard road. It’s a road I have taken many times with many people in my life. This one was one of the hardest because it’s hard to forget. All my childhood is hard. But I did it and forgave and now I have my dad in my life.
With that here is my favorite pic of me and my dad when I was a baby.
Saturday was a fun time!
It was nice to see Adam before he went back home. Adam always makes us laugh. He is such a great guy. He did a lot growing up since the last time I saw him.
I didn’t know Adam was taller than Jeff! Funny! I love this pic very much.