Got my dye! I decided to go with this brand. I wonder what the fade will be? I hope all my hair dyes this time too. I am doing black and purple mixed on top and in the middle of my hair. Then purple about 2 or 3 inches on the bottom. I interested in how it will look. I guess I will know this weekend.
Jeff bought Tex a new toy. He is so cute with it. It’s his ring and he LOVES to show it off. When Jeff comes home from work, he brings it to him to show off his toy. He is just too silly.
Also, Tex is so smart! He learned a new word “nice” in a week. Literally been teaching him since Monday. So crazy! Nice means keep your legs to yourself. We now let him be on the bed during the day. Also, when Jeff goes to bed Tex can now sleep with him. He used to think the bed was for play. Unfortunately, when I lay down he still thinks that way. So when I go to bed he has to sleep on his dog bed in the living room or his dog bed in the office. Pampered, right?! LOL!
Anyways on the bed, I like to pet him and give him belly rubs during the day. He kicks hard and he kicked me in the shoulder leaving a big bruise. He doesn’t mean to, he tries to move his arm under the hand. But he does that too aggressively. So I taught him “nice”, and on Wednesday he got to not kick and keep his legs to himself. How smart is that?! Now Jeff can say “nice” when we watch tv and he is petting him. He still does I will put my paw on your but he does not gently. He understands not to do that. I am proud of Tex!
Life without Scotty is hard. Almost started crying again because we got to take him home. It’s nice to have him back and brings me closure. He came in a tin. Jeff is going to make him a nice box this summer. Then we are going to make a shelf with Scotty and Koko together. They get to be together again, best buds.
I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about myself. Last year was hard. It was hard on my mental health. I have been doing a lot of reading and watching YouTube videos on hair. Yep hair again. I know right?! What I did last year. Bleach, dye purple and dye red.
I refuse to use Artic Fox again. So I decided to go with IroIro. I got black and purple. Not sure what combination I am going to do. My hair right now is bleach blonde, red, and purple right now but really faded.
What does that have to do with what I have been thinking about? I have been thinking about how much my mom hated me changing my hair. Every time I would see her she would say get a haircut. Why can’t I just be me? I have been having fun changing my hair. But then I have been thinking about my hair and me. I always thought in the past and now that my hair is my identity. When I was younger my hair was a lot longer. I use to use it as a kind of a shield. Since back then and even now I am shy and an introvert. I have spent probably more than half my life looking after it. Well, I have had probably every hairstyle that was popular till I was an adult. I have to tell you long hair is work.
I spend a lot of time on it and researching it. But why? Why do I care what others think of my own hair even my mom? It’s hard to take criticism from her in the past. After bleaching my hair and changing its color. I come to realize I really, really don’t care about her opinion when it comes to me. How I want to look. That’s saying something. I always cared what my mom thought of me. It used to take a toll on me too.
So I am debating on doing something really out of the box for me. This summer I am thinking of cutting off all my hair. That’s right, I am thinking of buzzing off all of my hair. My hair is damaged already. It started to grow out. But I have been thinking of how nice it would be to not have to worry about my hair. I won’t have to comb it which is a pain because of my wavy curly hair. I have to put products in it to make it healthy. I have to wear a shower cap to shower. It takes hours to dry and I have never been one to really style my hair.
I at one point in my life had really short hair and I like it. Then I grew it back out. I may grow it back or I may keep it short. I may even bleach it and try different colors too. What’s the difference it would be a buzz cut. I asked Jeff what he thought. He told me “Do what you want.” Which is great that he truly lets me be me.
Changing my hair since it’s a big part of me helps with not only my self confidence it’s helps my mental health. I have been feeling pretty sad since Scotty passed. It’s been hard to adjust to having Tex being the only one. Even though he has been such a silly dog. He is showing more of his personality. It has been a big life change. It will continue to happen again and again. I hope the next big life change will be a happier one.
Also, I want to add I can tell in 2021 will change me. I have been growing up more in my mental stage. Things that were so important seem not to be anymore. The way I see things are different too. It’s good to grow up. I sometimes think of my past self and think what the hell? It makes me laugh. Even though 2021 here, in the beginning, has been shit. I can only think of what else will 2021 bring. Definitely change. I think in a good way.
February 4, 2021, was like any other Sunday. Doggies happy even Scotty was outside in the cold for a long time. I am like Scotty aren’t you cold out there? He was acting normal. That day was really cold in the negatives and we were having a snow storm. At 11 at night Jeff went out to snow blow because it wasn’t as cold as the next day was going to be. I was sitting in the house and all of a sudden Scotty couldn’t get up. Just like that. He started to drool a lot and his pupils were dilated.
I went immediately to tell Jeff. He came in and he was like “What are we going to do?” I told him to finish the driveway and then we will decide. He did and came back. I am like “He’s suffering we have to go somewhere.” Unfortunately, there are no emergency vets in our area. We had to drive in a snowstorm at midnight to Green Bay.
I knew right away that we would have to say goodbye. We cried a little bit before leaving. When we got there they took Scotty but we couldn’t come into the vet. They brought him in to check him out. We had to wait in our truck. Then the vet called Jeff and told him what she thought could be done. It was a lot but she did keep saying because of his age. We knew we had to make that tough decision to say goodbye. It was hard and super sad.
The vet’s we went to was very compassionate. Even more so when we went to the vets for Koko. We got as much time as we wanted with Scotty. Scotty was having such a hard time. He tried standing and coming over to us. Finally, I said, “Scotty go to your bed.” And then he laid down. We petted him and cried a lot. I told him “Time to go see Koko.” It was so sad but we didn’t want him to suffer which he clearly was.
When the vet came in and she told us what was going to happen. We stayed and petted him and told him he was being a good boy. Like Scotty himself was being stubborn going to sleep. She had to give him another dose to make him sleep. Stubborn to the end. Then finally he went to sleep and it was peaceful. When we got back home, Tex cried. He knew that Scotty wasn’t coming back. He was upset just like we.
I want to remember Scotty. He was a stubborn dog with a lot of heart. I remember when Jeff’s mom got him. He looked so different. I have to say this is one of my favorite pics of him as a young dog.
Look at him! Brown with that stripe on his head. He would sit on top of the couch like a cat.
When he was this young he would go outside and run circles. It was funny! He also loved to dig. One of my favorite stories is Scotty found a plastic tiger out in the yard. He dug it up. It was I would say a good size too.
Then after the passing of Jeff’s mom, Darlene. We and Jeff’s dad lived in a house together. That is where Scotty became really good friends with Koko.
Since Koko and Scotty were best buds now. We asked Jeff’s dad if we could take Scotty with us. It was hard to ask this. But he agreed and best buds got to come with us to the house we have now.
We remember after Koko passed how sad Scotty was. It took him so many months to get over that Koko wasn’t coming back. Even when we would talk about Koko later he would still look around for him.
I forget how brown Scotty was because as he aged he turned white. But he was still such a wonderful boy.
Silly! He loved going under the table or under a desk, just to come and see you and be close. He made a great leg warmer!
We know that even though Scotty wasn’t best friends of Tex. He still liked Tex. It was funny he would see where Tex was. They finally started to sleep together. It was so cute!
They would even play! Him. Play?! Scotty didn’t play but Tex and he would play. It was awesome!
This was the last pic I took of them together.
I know Jeff and I will miss him forever. We miss his ears flapping when he shook his head which he did often. We was sensitive and loving. Did I mention stubborn?! Things had to be his idea. We loved his stubbornness. We can’t even tell you what his growl was like because he never growled. When he started getting older he did become bossier. It was great! He would shove Tex out of the way to be petted. He wanted to be more around us as he aged too. His nicknames were shrimp boatbecause he was so short and could barely see out the windows. The tan one even though he wasn’t that tan anymore. Scatty! I would say. I loved hugging him and he liked it too. He loved kisses and we gave a lot of kisses. Scotty could also shake hands with both legs. He knew where “his” bed was. I would say “You talking to me?” And he would bark. It was so cute!
This will forever be my favorite pic of Scotty. He loved blankets. He loved to be wrapped up in blankets. Even better if they just came out of the dryer. Even if it was summer blankets were his thing.
My older brother, sister, sister’s husband, mom and dad all have Covid. Thanks to my older brother Corey. I was stressing! He texted me and told me he had Covid. Which we saw everyone for my dad’s birthday.
Jeff and I got the rapid test done. Within 10 minutes we got our results. We are both negative. That was a relief. I think Jeff saved him and me. We didn’t really hang out with Corey. We didn’t sit next to him and we ate in the kitchen and not with him. Also, we left early so we could watch the Packer game at home. Good save Jeff!
My mom has it bad though. She doesn’t have to go to the hospital but it’s bad. I hope she will be okay soon. My dad had more like cold systems and seems to be getting better. So you know worried about my mom.
April’s cat had to be put down. Poor Dee. Dee I have known since she was a kitten. I lived with Dee for a few years. I have seen her for many years with my mother-in-law, after she died I told April she had to have this cat as my mother-in-law had many cats.
It was so funny when I go to April’s house Dee would come out for me. Even let me pet her. If anyone else came over she hid. That’s silly. I feel bad for my friend. Losing a fur baby sucks so much.
Which is crazy last week April and I were talking about Darlene’s fur babies. We have Scotty and April had Dee. The last of what we know of Darlene’s fur babies. I was telling her that Scotty is starting to move a lot slower. I think sometimes he is all we have left alive of Darlene. You know like her memory. As April had Dee.
Then this week April tells me on Monday that Dee was walking funny. She took her to the vet and they said she may have had a stroke. They gave her some pills. But then on Tuesday, April called in tears that Dee can’t use her hind legs.
She took Dee to the vet on Tuesday. They ran some tests on her and said she has brain tumor. Also, that she went blind. Which she and I were surprised that she went blind. April said in the morning she was walking around okay and just being herself. In the afternoon is when she went down hill. I felt so bad for April. April had to say goodbye to Dee. It happened really fast.
This week just sucks. But glad to be Covid free at the same time.
So ever have a fb friend dm you to sell things but you haven’t actually talked to them in like over 10 years? Yeah, that seems to be me. I haven’t chatted with this person in like over 10 years and yet seems to think I want to sell things. Obliviously, they don’t know me well I mean I know they don’t but still, really?! She wanted to see if I wanted to sell healthy powders to drink and pills for health. I am sorry I don’t believe in that stuff. I feel like people are going to make up their own minds on that. It’s their bodies and if they want to eat shit or make it healthy then that’s up to that person. We have the internet now and can make up our own minds.
I just hate that. How about hey how’s it going? How’s life etc. I mean really? If I wanted to do any of that I would figure out how to do it.
I have come to the point in my life I just don’t really care about things as I use to. Jeff said when he was my age he started to realize that too. I just really, really do not care. Lol! It’s kind of liberating now. Right now, I am working on not saying sorry all the time. I say it without realizing it. That needs to stop. I only want to say it if I did something wrong.
I had to go to the dermatologist on Wed. I was really trying not to see him this year. But I got two places of skin irritation I couldn’t cure myself on my torso. It has been months trying too. I finally gave up and saw him. I am glad I did. He gave me two creams and I already see a difference. I should have really seen him earlier.
I decided what I want to do to my hair. I am going black purple. I won’t do this till March though. I want to try to get the color I have now to come out more.
I don’t know what I want to do with my hair. The color is fading. Not sure if I really want to bleach it. Because my hair is starting to feel healthy again. I am thinking of black but semi-permanent again. I think it would be neat to see it come out and what comes out. But I really liked my purple hair. Decisions, decisions.
This Sunday is my dad’s birthday. I have to finish his present. I made him the Mandalorian and baby Yoda cross stitches. I have to iron them and put them in their frames yet. My dad will be 66 years old.
I saw the dentist on Wed. We had a long chat and I got my teeth cleaned. Always feels so nice. I decided on getting partial dentures. I only have five teeth on top and no back teeth at all. I really want to get more implants but I just can’t. They are super expensive and our insurance changed. So that means way more out of pocket for us. I am getting that this year and then I can finally eat like a normal person. Been sucky eating since I had my tooth pulled last year. Last chewer in my mouth. Ugh! Also I am glad to have this dentist as my new dentist.
Also one of the dental assistants was like “Oh wow you have been to the dentist a lot! You got so much work done in your mouth.” We laughed I am like yeah. I am not afraid to say this or that when it comes to my teeth. I know them really well. Overall good experience.
Why cringe? Well, my mom said something super stupid to me the other day and it made me cringe. Also, it was really insensitive as well. I mean this is one of the stupidest and cringest things I have heard my mom say. And at this point, we all know my mom can say some really stupid things.
Here is the situation. We got an email from the adoption agency for a potential birth mom. I have been keeping my mom in the loop. Also, I know I haven’t really written in here about that. There hasn’t been anything to say about adoption yet. Anyway, after a long discussion between myself and Jeff, we felt this baby wasn’t right for us. Which is perfectly fine. That is one of the things the adoption agent says a lot. You feel this child is not for your family that is perfectly fine and you will know which one is good for your family, etc.
And she didn’t like that answer. Then she said, “Why can’t someone just give you a baby?” Like did you just say that?! REALLY? Was so cringy. First of all these women are making a really tough decision. They are the bravest women to do this for their child.
So hard to let that comment go even though I know she would deny saying it. Then begs the question do I keep telling her when new moms pop up or not…On the other side, she always askes non-stop when I say no nothing. Then she says you should be calling them and keep asking. Which by the way that isn’t how that works. April says I shouldn’t keep my mom in the loop and I agree with that. So I guess not tell her anymore. But then my conscience is saying keep telling her. UGH I hate you brain sometimes. I guess I will make a decision next time.
Saw on FB that my niece Bree now has blue hair. My mom commented on how she likes it. Yet my hair still get bad comments from my mom. Was mad when I saw it. The only reason I can think of that my mom hates my hair other than I have more hair than her. Is Chrissy got Bree’s hair done professionally. Was mad but it faded. Whatever.
My mom wants me and her to go kick sledding. Looks stupid and don’t really want to but will anyways. I have no idea why my mom thinks this would be fun. More on that later when we go do it.
I learned a lot this year. Seems strange to say that but I did. I would say more later in the year than the first half. Oh No! I am growing up more. Anyways, it’s true I feel like I grew up more this year.
This year was a lot too. I have to say first the pandemic then politics thrown in was all too overwhelming. I stopped looking at the news and carried on my own life. There is too much bullshit there. Also now the American people can see what I see when I see our government. Just a bunch of bullshitters who don’t really work for us but should but don’t. It’s easier to see now. On top of that the whole vaccine thing it’s just too much for one person to speculate.
Oh, man! My mom hates my hair! Did I damage it? Yes. But here is the thing, I don’t care. I loved it when it was purple which was my favorite hair color. I am going to try and get it to purple again. However the growth I got going on I am going to leave. Eventually, I will have my normal hair color again. Every time my mom sees my hair she tells me how much she hates it! LOL! But seriously I could care less what she thinks of my hair. And that’s the thing I am growing out of what my mom thinks of me. That for me is a win.
Well, here it goes 2021. I don’t know what the future will hold for me but I am going to keep working on my positivity. That is my goal of this year. To keep being mentally happy. It was hard this year for me and I feel a little ashamed to admit it and wondered how it happened. That means I need to keep working at it.
I’ll end this with a very cute pic that Jeff took of our fur babies.
It’s that time a year again. This year I am not feeling the Christmas spirit this year. We decided not to put up the tree. We did put snowflakes on the front window. That’s is something right?! Lol!
This year we are celebrating at my sister’s house. There isn’t going to be everyone.
I decided I have mermaid hair:
Jeff and I went to the Rockin’ Santa Lights with my parents like we did last year. They had DINOSAURS! I freaking love Dinosaurs!
