All better! I am back to me. No more self doubt or pity. I have the feeling of oh well too bad for them! Feeling now. Sometimes I need to cry and then I feel better. Since I don’t cry all that often it’s got to come out some time. I know this is silly but I cry in the shower. This way no tissue and so what if I have cry face I am in the shower. But wow I do feel better now.

Back to Danielle.

I have been working on the Koko cross stitch and finished it. Soon I will get a good pic of Koko to put with the Koko cross stitch in a frame. I wish there was one of Scotty. Scotty is a mix so that is hard to do. I guess put up a Scotty pic next to Koko.

I love this one because Koko does that. Just stares out of the window.

I started this cat Halloween cross stitch only because I have to wait to do some others for Christmas.  I am not sure if I want to keep this one or give it away. I guess I will wait till I am all done to decide.

For whatever reason I can’t find the pic it came with. The one with the finish cross stitch. Oh well I know I changed all the colors except the black cat.

Here is our wall so far. Oh and blog stay tuned to see what we do to this wall. It’s going to be great!

One more thing today is my mom’s birthday. We are celebrating on Saturday. Fill you in later.

Being human is hard with feelings. Damn you negative feelings.

Lately I have been having self doubt about myself. It all started when my cousin hurt my feelings. I think of my life and wonder why? Why people do not like me for long period of time? Is there something wrong with me?

It sucks because I hate self doubt. I know I am a good person. I am not trying to be self righteous either. I do feel that I give people a chance.

Well I told you that my cousin Alice came to WI. We went to her mother’s for a party for her since she lives in Utah. Usually we make plans to go for lunch or hang out for a little bit but this time she didn’t want too. I know she stayed for a week. Also we are supposed to be pen pals yet I haven’t seen a letter from her in over a month soon to be two. I know she just had a baby yet a week after she was born I got a letter.

Damn….

Is it because I don’t have kids I am not interesting anymore? I asked Jeff if he thinks I am boring. He said who cares what others think and besides we are DIYers we always doing something. Yeah I agree but the problem is I care a little. Why would I have self doubt then?

Just not her I think of Sheryrena how she didn’t want to hang out with me. Thought I made a new friend almost a month ago. I did physical therapy for my arm and the who was helping me was awesome! We had so much in common on the last day I said we should get together sometime. She said yes that would be fun. We are FB friends now and nothing.

This is how it is with me all of my life. And that is why it hurts I think. No matter what stage of life I am in. I meet new people, make a connection, we hang for some time then they leave. You think by now at 33 that I am used to it but no it still hurts.

Also yesterday was Labor Day. All I did was help Jeff with our wall and be in self doubt. Screw this emotion I need to get out of it. I hope soon it will pass.

Feeling emotional for a couple of days. As you know blog I try hard to be positive and try not to dwell but lately it has been unfair. And hard to do with what’s going on with April and my mom.

I feel badly for her. April has been going to the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota because they wanted to see if they can fix her throat. A couple of weeks ago she went to the ER because she couldn’t breathe and not stop throwing up. Scary! They said there is something wrong with the muscles in her throat. She has always had problems with her throat when she eats. When she eats she can’t get enough air in and she chokes a little. But now it’s so much worst.

While at Mayo she has been having everything tested. Her eyes, tumor on her brain and her throat. She has such a fear of needles and have been getting stuck like a pin cushion. Good news they didn’t find that tumor on her brain. It disappear because she has been doing awesome herbal stuff. Bad news there is something wrong with her eyes. They aren’t sure if it’s a tumor in her eyes.

On top of that her family hasn’t been the nicest either. I feel horrible for her and pray she will be okay.

It’s my mom again. So unfair she got to me. I try hard to not dwell on my mom. Sometimes she is great then other times she is like this. Last Friday August 19 2016 Jeff had the day off. My mom asked me if I could come down and take her to the doctors and dad too. I agreed. Jeff said he would come along wanted to go to Menard’s. I was happy he could come. I am horrible at directions. Jeff and I made a deal. I drive there, he drive them to their appointments then I drive home. We live about forty five minutes to an hour from them.

To get there on time we had to wake up at 4:30 in the morning. Early! Any way we drove them all around for hours. It was fine. Was happy to help out. But then she basically slapped me in the face this week. They are moving to an apartment as they sold their house and their house isn’t built yet. She asked me if I could help her this Saturday. I can’t Jeff’s birthday is Saturday. Then she said I never to do anything to help her.

WHAT?!!!!

Jeff on his day off and I went down last Friday and drove her to all her appointments. I could have said no. She could have asked Corey or Chrissy to help but guess what she didn’t. She asked me and like always I try to make it happen. To say I never do anything to help her is bullshit! I do a lot of things for her, to help her. It’s unfair she singles me out from the rest like always. She tries to make me feel bad and usually I am good at deflecting but this time I couldn’t. I feel sad and upset about this.

Unfortunately later today I am hanging out with her. I don’t really want too after this. But at the same time she is taking me to get my hair cut and colored. Then she wants to hang out with me for the rest of the day. I feel like canceling but I can’t. The lady who is cutting my hair I haven’t seen in years. She is very nice and I want to see her new place.

I know she only does to this to me. It’s unfair she does.

Last Saturday we helped my dad moved things from his house to storage. It sucked! It wouldn’t have been so bad if my parents didn’t have such an inclined of stairs. No wonder they rarely went down to their basement. My mom has bad knees and my dad has a hip problem. I will be happy when they move to their new place no stairs no basement. I know I am a young person and should be able to handle those stairs but carrying bins and basically going up hill is hard. Funny thing did happen. My brother in law was surprised how strong I was. I helped him move a heavy desk from one side of the garage to another. That wasn’t too bad and I have gotten stronger since I moved stuff all the time at my house. His look on his face was priceless.

Hopefully if the weather is nice this weekend. The Amish guy Melvin will come over and take out our chimney. Other than that nothing really else going on.