The Adam thing is starting to become a lot less! I knew I could do it. I had to be more patient with my mind. He hasn’t contacted me in a long while, so that also helps.
Jeff hurt his back then got better. But then…got sick. Which sucks because we were going to go hang out with my sister and family.
I am almost done with April’s blanket. Will take a pic later. Yes, there isn’t anything really going on.
I felt like crying the other day. I got a letter from Alice. I don’t know. I don’t know what to do. Write or not write. Ugh! Then the whole Adam thing got worse! The gull of this man!
He put out a GoFundMe for $500. People are donating! WTF?! WHY? He doesn’t deserve it. No one in the family has donated which speaks volumes. We are done with your shit Adam!
I started meditating and it’s helping. I always thought meditating would be hard for me because it’s hard to switch off my brain. But I started meditating after working out and that helped.
Now a funny pic of Tex for fun. I put a toy on his head. lol!
I am in a better place now. I started to work out. Ugh! I hate it/like it. I hate working out but I like how I feel. Working out has helped my mental state that I have been having trouble with. With the whole Adam thing. I am getting to the point of not thinking of him. He doesn’t need to take up space in my head. It’s getting better and I think working out has helped.
Still working on my granny square blanket. It’s going to take longer as my arthritis in my hands flared up. I even had to get a brace to sleep with for one of my hands. So many breaks before I can continue.
Nothing really else going on.
I have been struggling with my mind. I am trying hard to heal it after all the bullshit of lies of my younger brother and him bulling me without me not knowing, emotionally. It’s been tough for me to move on and find my strength to stop thinking of him and want to contact him. But I have been good at not contacting him anymore. It’s a struggle though.
My sister called me and told me about my older brother Corey being an asshole for no reason. It was so crazy Corey sounds like Adam and they fight the same. I mean they sounded the same! I told Chrissy you need to let him go. I told her how much I cried because it felt like losing someone. She said she cried too. I told her she should do some yoga as it helped me clear my mind or even working out would help. I told her though it’s a struggle.
Something that is crazy! My nephew is 16! I can’t believe it! He passed his driving test which is cool. I wanted to end this positively.
Bad news first. April has to have heart surgery to replace a valve. The doctor said in the next five years. Boo! April has Turner Syndrome because she was born very prematurely. They told her mom she may have heart problems in the future but of course, they told her that April wouldn’t make it to ten years old. She is turning forty this year. I told her to get a second opinion and she said it was a good idea and she would.
Good news. I have decided to get a sleeve tattoo. Not this year I got to think of what exactly I want. I am going for Steampunk but not like all gears or not my bones being metal. I want certain images. I am excited! It’s going to be my right arm.
We had a blizzard and so now we have winter. I hate it.
I am finally doing it! I finally can make granny squares. Now I can make a blanket. I have always wanted to. Now I am making all kinds of colors. Can’t wait to put it all together.
I did it! I ignored my brother for days. Then I forgot that he actually messaged me. Lol! Which is great! I am learning not to be available to him all the time.
Happy New Year! I am still here!
This represents me right now. It’s a storm in my brain. This year I am going to change myself from inside out. Already started my diet and am feeling good about it. Doing Keto again. Trying to drink more water as well which is hard to do sometimes. I know I can do it though.
Before I get into something else. Got my tattoo done on Dec 26. Took about 2 hours. So fast. I love it. This fresh:
This is healing:
Hahaha, look at that plasma. Anyway, it’s all scabby now. In this pic, you can see the purple which I love. The tattoo artist said it would make it pop more when all healed. I am like cool do it. Turned out great.
My feelings were completely hurt by Adam. Here is how it started. We have a siblings group and he was complaining he didn’t have any money and had to pay this this amount. No one responded and he was like okay thanks for everyone responding. I called him out and said he doesn’t respond for days or even weeks when I message him and no one knows what to say about the money thing.
He got really pissy towards me and demanded an apology. I did apologize but it really hurt me. Then even more so when I talk to the parents about it. Found out even more stuff that he has been lying about so many things. I was super hurt.
As I am an overthinker. I thought about it so much. It hurt so much. After some days I have decided something. I love him but we need to be separate. Here is the thing, I think a lot about us growing up and the bond we had. However, that isn’t how it is as adults. I need to let go of that version of that relationship. Our relationship isn’t and never will be that again.
I feel at peace with this. I also will not be engaging with my siblings as well. I need to stop with all that. I am sick of being hurt by them and I know they don’t think about me the way I think of them from time to time.
This year is about not only healing my body but my mind. I am determined to do so this year.
Here I am again feeling mad about my family. I am tired of this. Ugh! FAMILY! We have a chat group of the siblings and I told Chrissy. I told her good luck getting money from Adam. As we are going in for parents gift every year. Then Chrissy said Adam you going in with the gift? Of course, Adam complains he has to pay rent and a high bill. I called him out because at this point I am done. We all have problems it’s called life. He complains so much and the others let him get away with it. I am done. This new year I am not holding back anymore. I am done with his shit or anyone else’s shit.
Something awesome. I am getting another tattoo. A lot smaller one. I am getting it Dec 26. Will share afterward. Excited!
You know me I LOVE coffee! Jeff made me this shelve:
I absolutely love it!
On Wed we went to Milwaukee to get Jeff’s transmission for his car. We always say going to Milwaukee is no big deal. But then we get there and we are like, I can’t wait to leave. There’s always so much traffic there and stop and go too. Also, the guy who he bought this piece from and the guy talked on and on about cars. It was cold outside too. Then we went home. We are funny like that. Lol!
To be completely honest I had a mental health breakdown on Tuesday. This is what happened. On Monday I had a dentist appointment to fix a filling. I was completely nervous! I haven’t been that nervous since I first went to that dentist. I was sweating and my hands were red. They get that way when I am super nervous. I was super worried about having a shot to the roof of my mouth. That hurts so much plus it’s sore for days afterwards for me. The fact that I had to say over and over I was very nervous got to me this time. Instead of a shot to the roof of the mouth, I got a shot in the upper part of my lip on the inside. Talk about so much hurt!! After numb I was fine but after the numbness went away it was days of hurt.
I felt so embarrassed about how nervous I was even though everyone else was like “It’s fine. We understand.” I don’t know, it really affected me this time. On Tuesday all I wanted to do was lay in bed for an extra hour. Couldn’t even do that because two idiots outside were being so loud. That I couldn’t just have peace. I broke down and had a good cry. Now I am all better.