Not much going on this week. Just your average week for only one thing. *Sigh*. I have a toothache. Seeing the dentist on Monday. Why always me?

I did finish these though:

It’s a strange thing. Before when I wanted children all I could dream about is having children and dreaming about what they would be like. That’s pretty much all I dreamt about for years and years. Most of the time I dislike it because I would remember when I was younger and I would dream of things that weren’t real. Like being a superhero with powers and such of that nature. Like actually having fun in my dreams. Maybe being a vampire or whatever. Who knows. It’s not like I didn’t dream about other things but it was mostly that.

When we decided not to have children. Guess what? My dreams totally changed. I know dream of cool things. Things that can’t be real but I have dreams where I am having a lot of fun. I am one of those people who can remember dreams not all but most. I can also at the beginning of sleep control them. Not all the time but sometimes. Until I fall into a deep sleep and don’t remember anything. It’s pretty great and also my mood seems happier.

It wasn’t meant to be but for the better. It’s strange how one thing can be focused on so intently and so deeply. When it doesn’t happen it can be really sad. Trust I went through a lot of sadness about it.

I don’t feel that way anymore. I feel like I can enjoy life as is. I can enjoy the children already in my life. Like my niece and nephews. Then I can go home and enjoy my fur baby.

I am enjoying life now and I am happy.

Jeff and I got our boosters on Tuesday. Jeff had a bit of fatigue. I got it bad. I had a lump in my throat Tuesday and Wednesday all day. Felt like throwing up. Felt very fatigued and that feeling you get when you are sick that you are not there. Had that all Wednesday. I was super tired too. I predicted I would because my second shot was the same. Now I am all better and I got to say it was worth it.

Been trying to try other coffee. To expand my taste. LOL! I want to try something different. I tried this from Costco. I was looking at reviews of the Costco coffees and this was the only one that had the best reviews.

WOW! This IS the best coffee from Costco. It does not punch you in the face coffee. I don’t like bold or medium even though this is medium. The taste is mild and very good. Will get it again.

Not too much going on this week. Let’s see….

My back feels better. Now I am back to me. I started Keto again right on the first. It seems a bit easier this time. I think because I don’t leave the house as often. No temptations. I admit I am a little scared again of Covid. There is an outbreak in my town and Jeff had to work the whole week at home because of it. We are going to get our boosters next week.

I made this cross-stitch because I thought it was funny:

I mean yes to both. They are nuts and we are nuts. LOL!!

I made this penguin even though Jeff said it doesn’t look like one. Oh well! I made it for myself. The pic doesn’t show it but it’s on sparkle Aida that Helen gave me many years ago. I love it!

It’s winter here now. It snowed and it stayed. Ugh! However, still feel positive and that’s what is important. I have been getting up and going for walks. Even in the snow. I am pretty proud of myself.

I did this diamond painting clock.

On Monday I went to April’s house. It looks nice in there and she has it mostly organized. I got to meet her new member of her family, Sage. Who is a 5-month-year-old kitten. She was so interactive. Didn’t run and hide when I came and let me hold her. It was so fun playing with her.

On Saturday we are going to get 8th of a cow. Never done anything like that before. I just know it’s not only going to save us money but it’s going to taste delicious!

For the first time in a very, very long time I am excited for Christmas. It’s because of something that I have made up my mind about. I am not ready to share but am almost there to share. I am optimistic about the future which usually I am not.

Remember when I said I will never ever have a puppy again? Like I was really dead set on never having one again. Well….we decided to live the nightmare again. I know, I know I said never again. This time will be different since Jeff works from home more. He can help out more too.

Jeff really wants a silver lab but if we can’t find one of those then chocolate lab this time. We want a girl lab too this time. I think Tex will be curious at first. I think Tex will be fine having a sister. We are excited to have another dog in our life.

Ah, this time of year again. It’s starting to get cold out. Today is 32F. However, I go for a walk in the morning. Not every day but I am trying three times a week. It’s so hard because I hate mornings and walking in the cold sucks. But I am trying and for that, I am proud of myself.

Finally! Adam is getting help. I am so proud of him. He is seeing a therapist twice a week and taking his pills. Way to go bro!

We carved pumpkins. Jeff did the wolf in the middle and I did the other two. I can’t believe my cursed turned out:

I got a new diamond painting, it so fits me.

Then I did this lady. I thought when I ordered her she was drinking coffee but she is smelling a flower. LOL!

I finished my elephant that was very hard to do.

I am very worried right now. I am worried about Adam’s health. I really hope he doesn’t do anything stupid. Adam has really bad depression and he also suffers from bipolar disease. He isn’t doing well right now. It really sucks he lives in Oregon, so far away.

The situation he has been telling me he has been trying to find a job that is not food-related. Okay that this fine. Since he always works in the food industry. Adam doesn’t handle rejection well so I am thinking because he can’t find the job he wants or has been rejected, he has sunk into his depression. I feel bad for him.

How we found out because he is terrible at communicating in general. Adam’s BFF messaged me really late at night one night and asked if I heard from Adam. Actually, it was the day that FB went down. Even so, hearing from him is hard. Not sure why that is. That got me worried that something happened. I told the BFF no. Then messaged him like crazy till he responded. He told me he didn’t want to talk about it but he was fine.

Of course, he isn’t fine. Dad called and talked to him and told him, if he didn’t get help, he would call the police. You know for a wellness check. Which I do believe dad would have done. He asked mom if they could come out and mom told him no. That sounds harsh but have to look at it from our perspective. This has been happening since Adam was a teen and now he is 36 years old. Adam loves playing the victim and he can get dad to do what he wants for him. But mom she is a hard nut to crack really. She said if they did go down there we all know what would happen. It would be a lot worse which yes it would be. It would be a lot of yelling and crying from both parties. Adam can say some pretty harsh things when he is like this and I understand why mom doesn’t want to go through that anymore. If he truly would cooperate with anyone. We all would go over there to help but that isn’t how that goes, ever.

Dad has even offered him right now. Do you want me to call someplace? Maybe they can take you or come and get you? Guess what nothing from him. I know that some of Adam’s long-time friends went over there to check on him. I know my parents are trying to get in touch with him, to see what can be done. But if he doesn’t call or message how can it be? It’s hard.

When you love someone who has bipolar depression you pick up patterns. Right now Adam is in the phase of the “I love you. I am sorry I worried you” phase. Which every couple of days I will get these messages. Which indicates he is not really helping himself. If I don’t hear from him, he is somewhere to get help. I hope it’s that one soon. There isn’t anything I can say or do to help him to get the help he needs. All I get is ignored.

It’s hard to bring other siblings into the mix. Since the whole covid Corey thing. Dad put us all in a chat together. Get this Corey doesn’t respond for a day. Then says “Thanks for including me. Love you guys.” A day! This isn’t your show, man! This is our brother who really needs some help. It isn’t about you. Made me mad he said that. So far silence to that since no one said anything back to him.

Chrissy didn’t really grow up with us and Corey was around a little. But I don’t remember him when around when Adam was at his lowest. When the depression at home got really bad. Thankfully, I would be there to be like hey let’s talk to Mom and Dad. Or he would tell Mom or Dad he needed to go to the hospital. I have been getting closer to my sister and to have her ask me “What’s going on?” I don’t know what to say. It’s strange to have her here. But I do think it’s a good thing.

I was so proud of Adam last year. He was going to a therapist and taking his meds. This means he fell off the wagon again. I don’t blame him and I am not angry this happened. This has happened over and over. I think the first couple of times I did get mad that he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to do. But now I understand more about this mental health.

I told him that I will always worry about him. He is my BFF too and always will be here to talk or get advice from or just even to just listen. I love him and I hope he gets what he needs.